Napalm cupcakes

Theism v. Atheism

2011-10-12T01:25:00.001+03:00

Now, this is a very sensitive topic indeed, and it has caused quite a shitstorm on various websites globally. And I seriously don't understand the big deal here. Why are people obsessing over what other people believe? Why is someone else's beliefs so important that one has to sit for hours on end arguing over the subject?

So, let us talk religion, shall we? Now, most reasonable people will agree upon the fact that tales written in the bible and various other religious texts are by modern standards a bit outdated and somewhat unrealistic, at least in the literal sense. But what baffles me in this shitstorm is the fact that people are actually claiming their beliefs to be the correct and truthful version, and his goes for both atheists and theists. Most militant atheists say something like "There is no God, accept science and stop with your 17th century crap" and most militant theists say "God says this through his religious texts (which curiously enough never actually come from a divine source), ergo this must be the truth". Now what is interesting to note about this is that both of these extremes are doing the exact same thing, and that is forcing their own personal beliefs on others and being upset if they do not accept it.

So, theists and atheists alike, please stop doing this. Stop it with your internet flamewars on the subject. Respectful debate is fine, but stop forcing your personal beliefs on each other because it will lead you nowhere. Lets just all face the fact that there is no objective way to prove or disprove God's existence, ergo, neither of you are correct on the subject.

One way to solve this would be to, oh I don't know? Maybe make up your own mind about it and keeping it to yourself.

That is all for today.

2011-08-16T13:26:00.002+03:00

............................................... ......................._,-~"¯¯"~-,
.................................................. ................__„-~"¯¯:::,-~~-,_::::"-
.................................................. ..........„~"¯::::::::::::::"::::::::::::::::::::::\
.................................................. .__„„„-"::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::"~-,
..........................................__-~"::,-':::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: ::::~-,
..........................._______~"___-~"::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: ::: :: :::::::::::"-,
......................,~"::::::::::::::¯¯::::::::: ::::::::::::::::::::::::: :::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::,: |
....................:/:::::::::::::::::__-~":::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::_,-~":'\'-,:\:|:\|::\|\::\:|
...................,'::::::::,-~~"~"_::',::|::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: :: :::,~ ':\'-,::',"-\::'':"::::::::\|:|/
..............._,-'"~----":::/,~"¯"-:|::|::|:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::,~"::\'-,:\;;'-';;;;;;;;;;;,-'::\::|/
............,-'::::::::::::::::'-\~"O¯_/::,'::|:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::,-',::\'-,:|::";;;;;;;;;;;;,-':\:'-,::\
............|:::::::::::::::::-,_'~'::::,-'::,':::::::::::::::::::::::::::::,-':\'-,:\'-,';;';;;;;;;;;;;;;,-':\:::'\-,|''
............|::,-~"::::::::::::::"~~":::,-'::::::::::::::::::::::::_,-~':\'-,|:"'";;;;;;;;;;;;;;,-'¯::'-,:',\|
.........../::/::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::_,„-~"¯\:\'-,|;''-';;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;,-'--,::\-:\:\|
........./::::|:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::,-';;'-';;;;',/;\/;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;,-,|:::\-,:|\|..\|
......./:::::::\:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::,-';;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;,-~'''("-,\:::|\:|::''
......,':::::::,'::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: :,-'/;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;,--'::::::/"~'
.....,'::::::::|:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::,„-~"::|;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;,-'::::::::,'::::/
..../:::::::::|:::::::::::::„---~~""¯¯¯::',:::::,';;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;,'::::::::: :: |
..,'::::::::::::",:,-~"¯::::::::"-,::::::::::|:::/;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;,':::::::|::::,'
./:::::::::::::::|:::::::::::::::::::"-,:::::::\:::|¯¯¯"""~-,~,_/::::::::,':::/
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::"~-,_::|::\: : : : : : |: : \::::::::/:/
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::",:::::::::::::"-':::\: : : : : : |: : :\::::::\ I'M A FUCKING DINOSAUR
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::",:::::::::::::: ::::\: : : : : : \: : : |:::::;;\
::::::::::::::::::"-,:::::::::::::::",:::::::::::::::/|\ ,: : : : : : : |::::,'/|::::|
:::::::::::::::::::::"-,:::::::::::::::"-,_::::::::::\|:/|,: : : : : : : |::: |'-,/|:::|
::::::::::::::::::::::::"~-,_::::::::::::::"~-,_:::"-,/|/\::::::::::: \::: \"-/|::|
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::"~-,__:::::::::::',"-,:::"_|/\:|\: : : : \::\":/|\|
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::"~-,_:::::\:::\:::"~/_:|:|\: : : '-,\::"::,'\
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::"-,_:'-,::\:::::::"-,|:||\,-, : '-,\:::|-'-„
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: ::,-,'"-:"~,:::::"/_/::|-/\--';;\:::/: ||\-,
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: :/...'-,::::::"~„::::"-,/_:|:/\:/|/|/|_/:|
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: |......"-,::::::::"~-:::::""~~~"¯:::|
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: |........."-,_::::::::::::::::::::::::::::/
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::\ .............."~--„_____„„-~~"

Diarrhea diary

2011-08-12T20:36:00.000+03:00

Today I tried to reproduce with random inanimate objects, got prison time and got molested again...so...yeah.

My brain continues to produce nothing but garbage and it is frankly very annoying at this point in time. But today I thought about starting my own company, for instance pre-made dinners would be nice. I'd of course make this amusing by hiding things in the food such as used drug needles and razors. But I'd probably go out of business once again. Maybe entrepreneurship isn't my thing after all? Or should I start a bakery and make sweets and bakery-things that contain a ridiculous amounts of toxins and heavy metals? A cupcake that is 40% mercury?

I really don't know what I'm writing about at this point, this is just coming out as pure dogshit.

So I'm asking you, my imaginary readers, what should I write about?

Dear diary

2011-08-11T22:41:00.000+03:00

Today I bought a horse, but it turned out to be an old pervert in a horse suit instead, so I got molested...yup...that pretty much sums up my day.

Anyway, I've been trying to thing of something clever to write or rant about that might be of possible interest to anyone, but to no avail. My brain has been producing pure shit all day, just random crap thought about things that aren't funny. I only came up with the idea of me writing a book about how to pick up girls, and this book would be directed to an audience of men with no previous experience of women.

But here, ladies and gentlemen (and creatures in between who study women studies), is the kicker. The book would be completely bogus and full of shit, sort of like its author in a way. I would tell these men to start up a conversation about something completely crap like world of warcraft (unless of course the lady in question is a 200 kg level 70 warlock). And a central focal point throughout the book would be that NO always means YES.

But this is probably not a good idea since it would get many women raped and many guys disappointed.

That is all for now.

Niffy loo pudding.

2011-08-10T22:16:00.000+03:00

I don't have anything of value to contribute to this blog today so I'll just make something up. I'll try to write something about myself and my life. This is something I told myself I wouldn't do, because nobody actually gives a damn about you and your daily life. Unless you do something interesting like farm alligators in your back yard or something like that.

Soo...I'll be starting school soon...yeah..soo..NO! I can't do this because my life is so dull at the moment that I don't even care to write or even care about it. I fell asleep twice while writing this sentence.

So, yeah. Sorry about wasting your time today. I attached a picture of me attempting to play connect the dots, needless to say it did not go as planned.

The death of Ryan Dunn

2011-06-21T15:56:00.000+03:00

I'm back again after a sudden spark of inspiration. There has been a lot going on in my life which have made me increasingly unfunny time after time and I will use that as an explanation for the lack of posts on this here blog. I'm not going to bore you to tears with any details of that so let us just get going.

In the wake of the resent passing of Jackass star Ryan Dunn, twitter and other social media have been absolutely overflowed by people who believe this is a PR stunt. Now, people, Seriously? Who actually believes someone would fake their own deaths for PR? Especially in todays watered down politically correct society? Such a thing is not unheard of, of course. But why? Why would he do it? And don't you think his credibility as a performer would sort of deteriorate after such a stunt? Try to think for yourselves and make conclusions (i.e logical and reasonable ones) on your own.

Furthermore, in my mind, the fact that DUI might have been a possible cause for his untimely death does not change the fact that a great entertainer and his friend have passed and should not be used as an excuse to justify his death. This is something sad, no matter what the cause.

- in memoriam Ryan Dunn 6/11/77 - 6/20/11

First world problems.

2011-04-15T13:16:00.000+03:00

The news are always full with death an misery and problems in developing countries. Well how about us lucky ones? Nobody mentions our little inconveniences. So I decided to make a list of minor pet peeves that us rich folks have to deal with more than once.

1. When the power chord to your phone isn't long enough to reach wherever it is you want to be.

2. When you really want to be on Facebook but your internet connection is bad.

3. Potato chips that go stale.

4. When you want a ham sandwich, but all you can find is prosciutto, roast chicken and salami.

5. Refueling your car

6. Coke that goes flat.

7. Accidentally pouring yourself a glass of warm water.

8. Going to the store, hungry, buying tons of food that later will go old because you don't have time to eat it all

9. Having a runny nose and no tissues.

10. Waiting for things you want right now.

Signs that indicate you play too much Call of Duty.

2011-03-07T08:55:00.000+02:00

1. Whenever you see a suitcase, you open it for about five seconds, throw it out the window and say "Bomb Defused"

2. Whenever a dog jumps up in your lap, your instinct is to snap its neck.

3. You think you can jump out of any window, because you have the Commando Pro perk.

4. If you hear a siren or a car alarm go off, you yell "Tactical Nuke incoming! It's over!"

5. Whenever the power goes out you yell "We've been EMP'd! Electronics are Offline!"

6. If you see a plane overhead you are sure to tell your friends there is an enemy spy plane inbound.

7. If you see a remotely controlled car, you want to shoot it.

8. You run into your neighbors yard and remove any flags or pennants you see, and then yell "We've got the enemy flag"

Men are like toilets. They are either taken or full of crap.

2011-02-17T17:11:00.001+02:00

This statement is very interesting to me because its used by women to insult men, which does not make any sense once you really think about it.

Now in this case it is the women who are making up a joke to criticize men, correct? Which leads us to the following logical conclusion, which is that it is the women who want to use the men, here objectified as toilets.

That being said one could ask himself, who has filled or is currently filling the toilets, or men ,with crap? It cannot possibly be men because according to the statement, the men are indeed toilets. Ergo, it follows that it is indeed the women who are making us men the way we are. At least according to your own theories.

Back again

2011-01-28T11:27:00.001+02:00

After having been silent for some time now, I've decided to start writing random stuff yet again. And today I shall bring you a complete guide on how to use the words "Your" and "You're" correctly. So that you can finally stop messing it up.

1) YOUR
- is the second person possessive adjective, used to describe something as belonging to you. Your is nearly always followed by a noun.

Example: Is that your pen?, Your face looks like a mountain of piss, Your cat is on fire etc.

2) YOU'RE
- You're is the contraction of "you are" and is often followed by the present participle (verb form ending in -ing).

Example: You're on fire, You're going to be late etc.

THE BOTTOM LINE

The confusion between your and you're occurs because the two words are pronounced pretty much the same.

The ironclad rule - no exceptions - is that if you're able to replace the word with "you are," you're saying you're. Otherwise, your only choice is your.

Nothing of interest here

2010-11-22T22:06:00.001+02:00

I am either having temporary lapses of insanity, or temporary lapses of sanity, I'm not quite sure.

DIAMONDS

2010-11-05T21:26:00.000+02:00

Diamonds

Due to extensive research done by the University of Pittsburgh, diamond has been confirmed as the hardest metal known to man. The research is as follows. Pocket-protected scientists built a wall of iron and crashed a diamond car into it at 400 miles per hour, and the car was unharmed. They then built a wall out of diamond and crashed a car made of iron moving at 400 miles an hour into the wall, and the wall came out fine. They then crashed a diamond car made of 400 miles per hour into a wall, and there were no survivors. They crashed 400 miles per hour into a diamond traveling at iron car. Western New York was powerless for hours. They rammed a wall of metal into a 400 mile per hour made of diamond, and the resulting explosion shifted the earth's orbit 400 million miles away from the sun, saving the earth from a meteor the size of a small Washington suburb that was hurtling towards mid-western Prussia at 400 billion miles per hour. They shot a diamond made of iron at a car moving at 400 walls per hour, and as a result caused two wayward airplanes to lose track of their bearings, and make a fatal crash with two buildings in downtown New York. They spun 400 miles at diamond into iron per wall. The results were inconclusive. Finally, they placed 400 diamonds per hour in front of a car made of wall traveling at miles per iron, and the result proved without a doubt that diamonds were the hardest metal of all time, if not just the hardest metal known to man.

More stupid stuff to do to make your peer hate you even more.

2010-10-25T23:34:00.000+03:00

1. Throw random objects into people's mouths when they are yawning.
2. Hide 9v batteries in the sink
3. Attatch car batteries to guard rails.
4. Leave round or slippery objects in the staircase of your house. Works even better if you live in a highrise.
5. Turn drawers upside down when visiting a friend. This is recommended especially if the drawer contains something fragile and valuable.
6.Empty the entire box of napkins at your local restaurant, but only use a few.
7. At a social event, walk around pretending you are selling stuff in an infomercial.
8. Ask people to adress you as "the magnificent one"
9. Make stupid lists that nobody even reads.
10. Continue making the lists anyway for your own personal amusement.
11. Make the lists Odd in numbering to piss OCD people off.

The gay church

2010-10-18T22:49:00.001+03:00

Well Hello again you utterly bored readers.

I normally don't really care to comment on the news very much, because I really don't care enough to do so. But this recent nonsense with people resigning from the Jesus club, otherwise known as the church to you normal folks, makes me laugh. You see, to me this only proves the complete ignorance of most people. Why do they suddenly stop going to church? Because some dim-witted conservative applejohn who clearly does not get laid enough decides to bash homosexuals on the TV on account of the church?

Seriously? Homosexuals have been frown upon by the church since the very beginning, and has this has continued to this very day. So this would indicate to me that people are happy members of the church by default without having the slightest idea of its true values and ideas and what it truly stands for.

This worries me to some degree. Have we really sunk this low? Is this what we have come to? That it takes a person on TV to make people realize what they are supporting, and probably have been since birth?

Besides, God created man, ergo he created homosexuals? what is the big deal? And how about those priests getting frisky with the choir boys?

People suck

2010-10-15T22:35:00.000+03:00

I'm back again with a serious case of misanthropy. I don't really have a particular reason for this statement, just take it as an observable fact. Everybody sucks and everyone sucks equally. That is all for now.

Some useful hygiene tips.

2010-08-05T00:00:00.000+03:00

In this weird society we live in today, people are obsessing about cleanliness so I decided to put together a list of useful tips on how to avoid contact with germs.

1. Avoid skin-to-skin contact, use sticks to shake hands.

2. Don't sneeze into your hands, use somebody else's shirt.

3. Don't touch vending machines or anything else that requires use of coins, insert the coins using your teeth and tongue.

4. Avoid contact with the water tap, use gloves when operating the tap and when washing hands.

5. Toilet seats are full of germs, do your deeds in nature instead.

6. Never flush the toilet using your hand, use your mouth instead. Remember to wash mouth properly afterwards.

Some more things that suck.

2010-08-03T23:16:00.000+03:00

1. Telemarketers

- STOP CALLING ME! I look at my cell phone and A-HA! An unknown number, I should probably answer this because it could be important. "HI you are a subscriber of Penis pump daily, would you like to order a kitten with a free complementary Thai whore? This only for 38,95 per month". Please get a proper job.

2. Spotify

- The concept is nice, I get access to songs I'd otherwise download anyway and no policeman will molest me with his baton in case I get caught downloading. This all works fine right until the point I get interrupted by that awful voice telling me about features I don't want. And why not just stop at one ad at a time? Why turn it into a 30 minute whining by some british douche.

3. Drivers who don't use their turn signals

- This seems to happen in smaller towns where everybody knows everyone. These people seem to think that everyone knows where they live, ergo they don't have to obey traffic laws.

4. People giving weird names to their kids

- Next parent naming their kid shaniqua is getting stabbed in the eyes.

5. Women who wear WAY too much perfume

- Yes miss, that smells nice. Just tone it down a bit okay? I would prefer to not have my eyeballs dissolved every time I am near you.

6. Celebrity gossip

- Are people really this bored with their own lives?

7. White kids who endorse black culture

- Let these people keep their culture. Whites have destroyed enough of those as it is.

8. The constant miss-use of the words "you're" and "your"

- It is really not that difficult!

9. Lists that end in odd numbers.

Alternative ways to decorate your apartment or house.

2010-08-03T01:18:00.000+03:00

Since I'll be moving out soon, I thought I'd put together yet another list.

1. Put all your paintings on the ceiling.

2. Buy lots of plants and flowers but don't water them, and when they do die, don't bother throwing them away.

3. Use tin foil as wallpaper. When confronted about this just say that it prevents the government from listening to your thoughts.

4. Get a fish tank (no fish of course) and use food coloring so it matches your drapes or carpets.

5. Save money by stuffing pillows with hair from old brushes.

6. Collect nail clippings in a jar.

7. Vomit on canvas and hang them on your wall. (or if you follow my advice, the ceiling)

8. Install keycode locks on every door. And make sure you change the code for the bathroom frequently.

9. Put everything you own in only one room. And use the other rooms as tranquility zones where you go to "cool off".

10. Place land mines around the house, but don't bother telling anyone else about them.

2010-07-31T16:29:00.000+03:00

Meanwhile in India, PETA decides to become chauvinist,

so they can degrade women aswell.

Things to do during the last month of summer.

2010-07-30T22:57:00.000+03:00

1. Build a car entirely from scratch without any drawings or blueprints and sell it.

2. Go on a diet consisting only of toothpaste.

3. Pretend you're blind

4. Talk backwards

5. Keep an audio journal, and update it in public places. I also recommend that you make rude remarks about the people around you at the time of these updates.

6. Sell stuff that isn't really yours.

7. Try to become a person of interest to Interpol or the FBI.

8. Throw rocks at old ladies.

9. Send postcards from fictional locations to people you don't even know.

10. Address your mother as "Mr. President"

Respect life, Go vegetarian

2010-07-18T18:46:00.001+03:00

Once again I find myself wondering what the fuck is going on, and this time a t-shirt got me pondering. It said "Respect Life, Go Vegetarian". I of course respectfully wonder what the fuck does that mean? Respect life by going vegetarian?

Before I continue any further I'd also like to point out that I love animals in every way and animal torture is one of the things I resent most in this world. But how am I suppose to suddenly respect life more by going vegetarian? Why not just print out a shirt that says "Respect life, be an omnivore as nature intended" this would of course be far more accurate than some hipster douchebag's personal rant about things that are wrong according to his values.

That having been said I do think people need to treat animals as humanely as possible (before killing them..? this you have to figure out on your own). But there is absolutely no reason for you or anyone else to just start thinking that you have a better idea how to run things than mother nature herself, because she has probably been around for a longer time than you have.

So in short, NATURE created YOU as an omnivorous creature with a diet consisting of both animal and vegetarian food sources, all essential to our survival. And NATURE also created the HUNTERS and the HUNTED and we are lucky to not be the latter.

You are not a vegetarian, never have been and never will be. Stop clowning around and grab a burger.

Things I'd rather do than care about the crown princess of Sweden getting married.

2010-06-17T23:54:00.000+03:00

1. Contract rabies.

2. Get a facial from a leopard.

3. Set myself on fire.

4. Breast feed a crocodile.

5. See how many painkillers I can eat once while drinking a liter of gin.

In short, nobody cares or should care about any royalty what so ever. This is because these people have not done anything to deserve their status, ergo, nobody should care. So please stop ruining my day by constantly telling me some rich douchebag is getting married. I just don't care.

Random thoughts part. eleventy billion

2010-06-17T23:37:00.000+03:00

1. Why is the thought of billions of stars taken for granted, when someone always checks if the paint really is wet?

2. If the statement "today is the first day of the rest of your life" is true, then what the hell was yesterday?

3. If you put a chameleon in a mirrored box, what color would it be?

4. Why is it called a television set? you only get one single TV.

5. How does eating a kilo of chocolate make you gain 5 kg?

6. Why are there flotation devices under the seats of airplanes?

7. If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?

8. Is the hardness of butter proportional to the softness of bread?

9. Have you ever noticed that people who tell you to calm down are the ones who made you angry in the first place?

10. What the hell is room temperature? Isn't every temperature a room temperature because it is possible to have a room with any temperature.

Yet another list of things to do (is this concept getting old yet?)

2010-05-28T21:15:00.000+03:00

Today's people tend to get bored a lot. So if you are one of those people who find themselves trapped in their daily routine, try one or several of these things. Oh, and at your own risk of course. Personally I wouldn't do these things, but if you want to do them, that is fine. And while you are at it please mail me a copy of the video of you doing these things so I can laugh at your misfortune (I am being honest again). Let us begin.

1. Rig your mailbox with proximity explosives, and stand in your doorway wearing a bathrobe and holding a cup of coffee the next time your mailman arrives with 3 fingers missing, and grin like a moron.

2. Start a nasty rumor about someone and see how long it takes for it to come back to you.

3. Carry a fork with you, and stare through the points at people to make believe they are in jail.

4. Read a book backwards and try to decipher it for hidden messages, this works even better if the book is in a language you don't speak.

5. Start fake Facebook accounts and send friend requests to yourself.

6. Switch out rented DVD's for ones that only consist of copyright warnings.

7. Sing the super mario theme song repeatedly when standing in line somewhere.

8. Sing along at opera concerts.

9. Write a collection of filthy haikus.

10. Pay for inexpensive items with large bills.

11. Tell older people how things were "in your days"

12. When in an elevator, push all the buttons before exiting.

13. Before exiting the elevator, draw a square on the elevator floor and announce that it is your "personal space"

14. Sneak up behind people and say "CAW CAW CAW"

15. Bring gardening tools to the office for no reason.

A little pondering about rights

2010-05-24T20:39:00.000+03:00

Rights, you hear about them all the time. The media keeps talking about them over and over and over. Regular people seem to talk about them a lot as well. Now that are rights? Human rights?

I'll tell you people what rights you have, you have NO rights. You have privileges which can be taken away from you at any time if your government or head of state sees that fit. In most countries during a time of crisis, your government can come to your house and just take your stuff away. How is that for human rights?

But lets just assume that these things we call rights are actually rights and not privileges. Where did they come from? Who gave them to you? Some people will say that they are god given rights which leads us into an argument with a religious person which of course goes nowhere. But lets also assume that these are in fact god given rights. Why is it that god gave different numbers of different rights to different people? Boredom?

If God REALLY gave you rights, he would have provided you with food and shelter and all basics for you to live a humane life on this planet, in other word he would have been covering for you, but as we know at this point, this is not the case.

So to conclude my pondering I say this, You have NO rights. These are, as I've said, privileges which can be taken away from you at any given moment. And this is not just a theory. Things like this have happened throughout history. For example, in 1942, American citizens were forced into concentration camps just because their parents happened to be born in Japan, and these were people who had never even been to Japan in the first place.

So enjoy your privileges as long as you can.

The simple task of making a woman happy

2010-05-03T21:29:00.000+03:00

Its simple ,really.

You only need to be:

1. A friend
2. A companion
3. A lover
4. A brother
5. A father
6. A teacher
7. A confessor
9. A config
10. A cook
11. A mechanic
13. An electrician
14. A delivery man
15. A carrier
16. A cleaner
17. A butler
18. A carpenter
20. A model
21. A interior architect
22. A sexologist
23. A psychologist
24. A psychiatrist
25. A psychotherapist

And ofcourse we cannot forget the characteristics.

You only need to be:

1. Nice
2. Athletic but
3. Intelligent but
4. Strong
5. well mannered but
6. Firm but
7. soft
8. Sensitive but
9. resolute but
10. romantic but
11. manly
12. funny and
13. happy but
14. has to be taken seriously and
15. have values
16. brave but
17. a teddybear but
18. energetic
19. take care of stuff
20. creative
21. full of ideas
22. have skill but
23. be humble but
24. understanding
25. elegant but
26. consistent
27. warm but
28. cool but
29. passionate
30. tolerant but
31. principled but
32. honorable and
33. noble but
34. practical and
35. pragmatic
36. just but
37. ready to do anything for her, a.k.a
38. desperate but
39. restrained
40. charming but
41. stable and
42. loyal
43. wakeful but
44. dreamy but
45. ambitious
46. trustworthy and
47. respectful
48.ready to make sacrifices, but most of all
49. solvent

He should also:

a) Not jelaous, but still care

b) Get well along with his family, but still not ofcourse spend more time with them than he spends with me.

c) Give her freedom, but still care and ask with who and where she has been.

d) Dress nicely, but still be ready to climb through a window if you forget your keys, be ready to crawl through dirt for you and beat somebody up for stealing your purse with essential things such as lipgloss and a hairbrush.

It is also important to not forget her:

1. Birthday
2. Her sisters birthday
3. Anniversary
4. The anniversary of your first kiss
5. her menstruation
6.Her appointment at the dentist
8. Her best friends birthday, but you still cannot show any fondness for her ever.

Please note that following these instructions to the point will not guarantee your success.

Because she might get tired of the same man and feel you just dominating your life and probably run off with that dirty guitarplayer from the local bar, and this ofcourse is your fault entirely.

And the other side of the story, making a man happy is much more complex

Because, a man needs:

1. sex and
2. food.

Most women find these requirements to be far too outlandish and ridiculous so they just skip them entirely.

Conclusion:

A harmonious life together can be achieved just as soon as men stop making these ridiculous demands.

Stuff that I don't like

2010-03-24T22:40:00.000+02:00

1. Slow computers.
2. Crappy internet connections.
3. Waiting.
4. Stupid questions.
5. People who insist on being right about things that are obviously wrong.
6. People who hate the U.S based on stuff from the TV.
7. Politically correct assmonkeys who like Barack Obama just because he is black.
8. Mindless morons who somehow think that because is Barack Obama is president, everything is good and correct.
9. PC fanboys.
10. Being asked the same question over and over by the same person.
11. Being asked questions about trivial crap while I am busy doing something else.
12. People who complain about stuff that aren't really important, but they complain anyway because they've had a bad day and they want to take it out on someone.

Even more things that aren't what you'd think they are

2010-03-18T17:03:00.000+02:00

Arabic numerals originated in India.
Tin cans and tin foil are constructed from aluminium, not tin.
Madison Square Garden, USA is not square (nor is it a garden).
Danish pastries were invented in Austria.
Dry cleaning uses a fluid called naphtha.
Pencil lead - pencils use graphite and not lead.
The Koala bear is a marsupial and not a bear.
Panama hats originate from Ecuador, not Panama.
The word Asteroid means 'star-like' and they are small planets.
The Turkey is native to America and is named for its resemblance to a bird native to Africa.
The Peanut is a legume, [i.e. fruit/vegetable] not a nut.
The People's Democratic Republic of Korea. [Think about it; particularly if you live there]

Have some more useless information

2010-03-18T16:52:00.000+02:00

There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger.
Have you noticed that there is neither apple nor pine in pineapple.
English muffins weren't invented in England.
French fries do not originate in France.
A guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
And there are no hogs in Hogmanay.
And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?
You cannot buy boots in Boots nor virgins in Virgin. You cannot buy threshers in Threshers and the Superdrug chain is a big disappointment.
Quicksand only works slowly
If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth?
One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese?
If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?
If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
A pregnant goldfish is called a twit.

Also on a side note, why don't you ponder this

There is no parlour in in parlous. (Parlous - dangerous, hazardous)
Sweetmeats are sweets while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.
When you are incommunicado: you are without the means to communicate.

And finally to impress your friends, or then just confuse them, use one of the following words in an every day conversation:

Imbue: to dye; to instill profoundly.
Spoony: foolishly or sentimentally in love.
Visage: the face; also, appearance; aspect.
Sapient: wise; sage; discerning.
Quiddity: the essence or nature of a thing.
Exegete: one who explains or interprets difficult parts of written works.
Sine qua non: an indispensable thing.
Sesquipedalian: (of words) long; having many syllables.
Predilection: an established preference.
Grandee: a man of elevated rank or station; a nobleman.

For example, you could say that it's the quiddity of grandees that they have a predilection to imbue sesquipedalian words.

More strange thoughts

2010-02-25T23:54:00.000+02:00

1. Cargo usually goes by ship, and shipments go by car.

2. One usually parks on a driveway but drives on a parkway.

3. If i rationally decide that something is irrational..what is it?

4. Pinocchio says "my nose will grow now" what happens?

5. Lets assume that you can dig a vertical hole throughout the earth, and doing so by standing up all the way, and disregarding every other variable besides gravity...what way would you surface?

6. We prevent accidents and misfortune....so that we can peacefully make it to death?

7.If one were to have sex with ones clone, would it be incest or masturbation?

8. If numbers follow the trend: (BI)llion, (TRI)llion. And the amount of wheels on a bike follows this trend: (UNI)cycle), (BI)cycle, (TRI)cycle. Surely twins should be called Biplets?

9. If god made souls, how can they be eternal?

10. Why does the church not like science? If god created everything, surely he must have created science?

11. How did god create everything in 6 days? Because a day is something defined by earth revolving around the sun. So how could he possibly have known it was six days?

Attention copycats

2010-02-12T15:39:00.000+02:00

It has come to my notice that people have been copying my stuff that I write on this website. Ofcourse that sort of thing is natural to happen. People tend to have weak imagination and thus being forced to copy the works of others.
But some people have even notified me about this beforehands, and asked me for permission to use my work, and naturally I've said yes. I've only had one demand for this, which is that they would also note the source of this wherever they intend to use my stuff. Now if you're going to do that I'm fine with it.

However I'm not happy with people lying and then stealing my stuff to gain profits, and I will take (in)appropriate actions in response to this.

In conclusion, If you want to play hardball...lets play hardball :)

Jokes and morals

2010-01-21T21:01:00.000+02:00

I've been getting a lot of feedback for my brainfarts that I post in this blog, and that I am greatful for. Some ask me why I bother writing this stuff on this website and also point out that nobody reads it anyway. Well presumeably you read it, since you know of its existance? This was never intended to be a blog, all it really is, is a diary full of random brainfarts made by someone with an abnormal train of thought and too much spare time. And another thing is the morality of the jokes I make, both in real life and on this site.

First of all I'd like to say that I believe that everything and anything can be made fun of, as it makes this world a lot easier to sort out. And on that note I'd also like to say that there are a few things you have to do to be able to stand behind such a statement and those are as follows.

1. I am willing to be made fun of, naturally. Since I've already said that anything can infact be made fun of, that ofcourse includes myself.

2. If I make jokes about ethnicity, religion or any other "politically incorrect" subject, it doesn't mean that I actually think that way of the group of people in question. My stuff often contains sarcasm, as you may have noticed.

3. And one final thing before I start insulting people. If you are offended by the things I say, you have the right to tell me how you feel about it, or otherwise just go visit some other webpage about horses or something else that fits your thoughts (horses are indeed awesome).

Now then, morals. What are they and where did they come from? There is one thing you have to know about us humans and our minds, and that is that we will stand behind our promises, morals and ideas for just as long as they suit our own purposes. People will lie and be rude if they themselves benefit from it more than being nice, and that is just in our nature. Survival and reproduction is the two things that gives us the will and drive to survive.

And besides, if you believe in something and accept it as truth, implies that you must have solid proof beyond questioning and evidence to back up your beliefs, right? So then you should not have any issues with me, or anyone else for that matter, questioning and criticizing your beliefs since you've already accepted it as the truth.

So in short, don't take the world too seriously, that will only make you miserable. Respect the people around you and let them believe in whatever superstitious nonsense they have chosen to believe in. See the funny side in everything, but expect to be made fun of in return.

Over and out

Theory of the relative reality as we see it.

2009-12-19T18:40:00.000+02:00

Okay now, first of all that is one strange headline for a blog entry but nonetheless. I'll first explain some basics of this nonsense.

Now, there is no universal reality. And this is because each and everyone of us have our own subjective views on the world, the universe and everything else we like to call reality. Nothing can be objective because as humans we always tend to connect emotions to everything we percieve and thus building up our individual understanding of reality. That in itself overthrows the idea that reality is something solid and constant, and that it is not.

Reality is relative because we all percieve reality in different ways, our senses recieve millions upon million bits of information each day, but our brain, and thus ofcourse our reality, only processes a fraction of all the information it recieves. And this is because our brain is built to discard irrelevant, or seemingly irrelevant bits of information. So maybe this strange place around us isn't reality at all? Maybe it is only the reality that our brains builds up and so lets us understand. It builds matter, time, space and everything else into a reality from waves of information and potentials.

Let me put it this way; Picture your brain the size that of a pea, that gives you a pea sized consciousness. And when you lets say read a book, you have a pea sized understanding of the subject in question. When you look upon this world, you have a pea sized awareness and wakefulness of it. And that means that it is possible to expand that understanding and awareness of reality. That is how relative everything is.

So, reality is never constant. Reality is exactly that what your brain makes you think it is, and we do not comprehend or understand even a fraction of the big picture and what really is going on around us.

Tips on how to get rid of a roommate

2009-12-08T21:41:00.000+02:00

1.Take home a pet, an imaginary cat. Hold it and feed it every day, talk to it and love it. Even keep a litter box under your bed. Then after a few weeks, tell your roomie that your cat is lost. Write to whoever owns the building about your cat and also blame your roomie.

2. Tattoo your roomies name on your ass, insist that he should do the same.

3. Insist on calling your roomie "honey" or "sugar". But only if he/she is the same sex as you are. Also give him/her a little lovetap on the cheek every once in a while.

4. Move all of your stuff to one side of the room, then ask your roommate "how much space does a tiger need?" with a little hint of concern in your eyes.

5. Buy a set of machetes. Sharpen them every night and glance at your roomie while muttering something about "soon...soon"

6.When your roommates friends are visiting, hide under your blanket and look at them through a small hole, use a telescope.

7. Wear shades at night, curse loudly when bumping into objects.

8. Hide in your closet, stay there for hours and talk to yourself.

9. Pick up cooking, make exotic dishes out of random things you find, don't use recipes.

10. Keep pet worms, and ask them advice for your homework, and argue with them.

11. Change locks on your door, without telling him, Demand a secret password every time he wants to enter your apartment. Change passwords frequently.

12. Sell his stuff on eBay.

Burning of the Finnish flag on Indipendence day.

2009-12-08T21:15:00.000+02:00

I usually don't write anything about politics or "real-world" issues if you will. But I came across an article about a group of protesters who decided to burn the Finnish flag. This does not anger me, I am just curious, why?

I have a problem with lame white zudo- spiritual lunatics who think that everything is shit when it isn't. I would understand this if this was a country with no social healthcare or a social security plan, but it isn't. These people get taken care of if they get hurt when... lets say setting fire to a flag? or anything else for that matter. And I also understand the point they are trying to make about the "enviromental issues", which is getting pretty lame already. Please find something else to bicker on about.

And I also happened to notice that most of these heroes also do not like the emphasis towards WWII veterans. Well lets suppose that we never got our indipendence in the first place and the veterans never fought for anything... by that logic these people wouldn't have a date to complain on in the first place and their argument makes itself completely invalid?

My advice for you, dear protesters. I am a big fan of freedom of speech (makes writing this crap a little bit easier). But if you are going to protest about something, please find a valid argument and try to get your message through actions that are relevant to your reason to protest. I hope these people get sent to China or some developing country where things aren't like they are here. I bet you anything that these people would come running back with their hemp bags flapping around like never before.

That is all.

STOP

2009-12-08T15:16:00.000+02:00

Does anybody actually care about who Tiger Woods is sleeping with? I need to be told about who he sleeps with just as much as I need a vasectomy by an epileptic doctor in rural New Delhi.

Cars

2009-11-26T09:52:00.000+02:00

Now this entry is not a list nor a usual cute story, it is about cars. And I will also not go into any stories involving me and cars that will eventually bore you to tears. I just wanted to ask any evenual Finnish readers what you guys think about the Finnish governments look on cars?

Oh well, here is mine: IT SUCKS! The Finnish government is strange as it is. They will actually tax items that have already been taxed before they were sent here in the first place! AGAIN! And the part I really don't understand is, they don't even sell the given product in this godforsaken land to start with. Now lets not get ahead of ourselves, ah yes..CARS! As you would expect, they tax the shit out of these aswell. I will now compare the price on identical cars in the US, Finland and in the UK, and I'd also like to mention something about the income tax aswell, but I won't.

Bentley Continental GT Speed -08

Finland: 328 000€
USA: 199 000 $
UK: 120 000 £

Sources; Nettiauto and Autotrader

Types of travellers who suck

2009-11-21T02:07:00.000+02:00

1. Anyone going to Thailand
- please leave this country alone, old white men have made this beautiful Asian country into a sextravel destination.

2. Anyone who goes to the Canary islands and staying in cheap hotels
- as a travelling destination, about as original as disneyland.

3. Drunk Americans in Cancun
- the guy in the grateful dead t-shirt who is on his 6th bottle of Kahlua.

4. Finns who for somehow think that the people working at an airport in India speak Finnish
- When did it come to this, oh dear Suomi?

5. Anyone travelling with small children who insist on screaming during the whole flight
- someone hand me a shovel.

6. The fat fuck who is on his eleventh beer before lunch is served
- I need to sit next to a drunk smelly fuck for 6 hours plus as much as I need my eyes stabbed out with a pitchfork.

7. Old douchebags with fannypacks.
- a fannypack is just so weird, they should not be worn EVER!

8. People who ask if they can pay in their own currency.
- seriously, what the fuck is a guy in northern nepal going to do with Swedish kronor?

9. Japanese tourists.
- What is with all the cameras?

10. People who walk around with their nation on their t-shirts in other countries.
- OMFG! I would never have guessed that you are from Germany, oh Dear Helga! Good thing you wore the t-shirt. I would have otherwise missed the whole 7 feet of you.

11. People who buy ridiculous amounts of useless garbage as souvenirs.
- What are you going to do with 20 miniature statues of liberty?

12. People who take pictures of themselves at random locations.
- Why just not take a picture of the scenery? why involve yourself in them? do you need to remind yourself that you have been to these locations?

13. People who do not respect locals or their culture
- No explanation needed, you've seen these heroes yourself, I'm sure.

14. Obese men wearing sleeveless shirts.
- Thanks for sharing your armpits with the rest of the bus, perfect, just what I need.

15. Fat fucks on airplanes.
- As if the plane isn't short on space as it is.

-

yet another list of irrelevant facts

2009-11-17T00:16:00.000+02:00

And first of all, the answer is "No", you will never ever need to know any of this, so get back to work! Well, I assume that you, my dear reader, are bored to tears for even browsing this page in the first place. So let us continue, shall we?

1. The oldest known goldfish lived to the impressive age of 41 years, his name was Fred.

2. In 1987, a 1400 year old lump of cheese was found on Ireland, but it was actually still edible.

3. There is a town in Newfoundland, Canada called "Dildo" (I can't help but wonder what a postcard from there would look like? Oh well..)

4 . You are more likely to get stung by a bee on a windy day than in any other weather.

5. Cold showers increase sexual arousal.

6.You laugh 15 times per day on average.

7. Cars outnumber people in L.A

8. A neanderthal had a larger brain than you have.

9. There are more plastic flamingos in America than there are real ones.

10. The most common name in the world is Mohammed.

11. Sherlock Holmes never actually said "Elementary, my dear Watson"

12. "Beam me up, Scotty" was never said by anyone in any Star Trek film.

13. If provided with no water, a rat will outlast a camel.

14. George Washington grew marijuana.

15. Most of you will not see the
the grammar error in this sentence.

2009-11-16T19:03:00.000+02:00

I'll be gone now either way that the wind blows
I'll be back though leave a light in the window
When the waves die down I'll be halfway around and I'll call you
When the sun blocks out hold the radio up to the phone

I was dreaming I was heading west thirty days faster
Had a fever woke up in a sweat bailing out the water

Can't go on, can't go back
Can't go on
Can't go back

Heard your voice coming through the noise
Wrote it in the radio log
Hurt my head wondering what you said
So I threw it overboard

Can't go on, can't go back
Can't go on, can't go back
Can't go on
Can't go back

I was dreaming I was heading west thirty days faster
Had a fever woke up in a sweat bailing out the water

Can't go on, can't go back
Can't go on, can't go back
Can't go on
Can't go back

reasons why old people suck.

2009-11-10T14:38:00.000+02:00

1) They walk too slowly and block every single entrance you might want to go through.
2)They smell strange
3)They will always read what your t-shirt says, and then question you about it.
4)They will never hear anything correctly the first time you say it to them.
5)They raise their voices, as if YOU were the one with hearing problems.
6)They walk around with canes for one reason only, and that is to strike you with it.
7)They swarm town like zombies in the day but then mysteriously dissapear after 6 p.m
8)They honestly somehow believe that a nickel should buy you something "nice"
9) They drive as well as a blind five year old kid with no arms.
10) They hold up every line there is.

15 things to do at a Superstore.

2009-11-04T23:01:00.000+02:00

1. Grab about 30 boxes of condoms and place them in strangers shopping carts when they aren't looking.

2. Go over to housewares, then rig all the alarm clocks to go off at 5 minute intervals.

3. Make a mixture of tampons and tomato juice, then make a trail leading to the womens restrooms.

4. Walk up to an employee and tell her/him in an official tone, "Code three in the electronics department"...then see what happens.

5. Go over to the service desk, and ask them to put one bag of M&M's on layaway.

6. Move the "WET FLOOR" signs over to a carpeted area.

7. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they bring pillows from the bedding department.

8. Refuse to talk to any clerk.

9. Look right into the security camera, and grin like an idiot, to make believe you are doing something insane.

10.While shopping for weapons, ask the clerk where the antidepressants are.

11. Dart around the store, wearing black, and loudly humming the mission impossible theme song.

12.In the auto department, practice your "madonna look" by trying out various funnels.

13.Hide in a clothing rack, and when someone browse through say "PICK ME, PICK ME!"

14.When an announcement comes out over the loudspeakers, assume the fetal position and mutter something about those damn voices again.

15. Walk into a fitting room, sit there for 20 mins, then walk out and tell the clerk that they are out of toiletpaper, then walk away.

its time for a diet when...

2009-11-04T22:54:00.000+02:00

1. You dance, the CD skips, and its not a portable player!

2.You are diagnosed with a flesh eating virus, and the doctor gives you 25 years to live.

3. You put mayo on aspirin.

4. You go to the zoo ,and the elephants throw you peanuts.

5. Your picture doesn't fit on your drivers license.

6.You ran away and they had to use the whole milk carton for your picture.

7. People tell you that you were born with a silver shovel in your mouth.

8. You could sell shade.

9. Your blood type is lard.

Self help books

2009-11-02T21:16:00.000+02:00

Why do so many people suddenly need help? Let me tell you folks, life is not that complicated. You get up, you go to work and eat three good meals a day, take one good shit and then you go back to bed! What is the fuckin' mystery? And besides, if you need self-help, why would you read a book written by somebody else? Thats not self-help...Thats help! If its self-help, you wrote the book yourself which defeats the whole point!

18 Things that suck

2009-10-30T21:25:00.000+02:00

These things suck for one reason or another.

1.Animal circuses:
Why not keep people in cages? that would be much more interesting.

2. Cafeteria foods:
NO! I DON'T WANT A CLUB SANDWICH WRAPPED IN WEIRD PLASTIC.

3. Seniors who still drive:
Okay this guy in front of me is doing 10 km/h below the speed limit and is in NO hurry to buy his morning paper, while I actually have to get somewhere, preferably roughly sometimes during this decade.

4. Manboobs:
note to all men, if your boobs are bigger than your girlfriends, you need to be worried.

5. Fake boobs:
Am I the only one who has the urge to see if they pop if you stick them with a sharp object?

6.Refolding a map:
You never get it right on the first try, do you?

7.Celine Dion:
MY HEART WILL GO OOON AAAND OO- *smacks with showel* shut the fuck up, you strange half french scarecrow.

8. Telephone salespeople:
No, I don't want to buy a new sofa or anything else, please eat angry wasps.

9. IKEA:
You go there, buy a table that is packed into one billion different boxes only to get home and find out, after hours of DIY, that you need yet another box of stuff that NOBODY TOLD YOU ABOUT.

10. Flashing belt buckles:
Or any other garment with any form of lightsource, "hey mr disco! why don't you take a shower in that"

11.Kids playing musical instruments:
Unless little bobby is the new mozart, I don't care to hear it! I feel like stabbing myself in the ears.

12. White people who pretend to be black:

just stop it, okay?

13. People who are one fifth black and still pretend to be black:

Okay, matthew perry is more black than you are, stop that.

14. Foo fighters:

THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST....fuck you.

15. Carrot top:

are you satan?

16. Pop-up ads:

omfg! I am the one millionth visitor? yeah...and my mother is a pineapple.

17.Gene Simmons:

You have a dangerous obsession with money, and you get laid alot...okay...fine..now move along.

18. Cranky people:

I don't actually care if they have a bad day or not, don't blame it on me!

30 things that aren't what they seem.

2009-10-26T19:29:00.000+02:00

1. A firefly isn't on fire or a fly- its a beetle.

2. A prairiedog isn't a dog- its a rodent.

3. India ink isn't from india- its either from Egypt or China.

4. A horned toad isn't a toad- its a lizard.

5. A lead pencil contains no lead- its graphite.

6. A douglas fir isn't a fir- its a pine.

7. A silkworm isn't a worm- its a caterpillar.

8. Peanuts aren't really nuts- they are legumes.

9. A koala bear is NOT a bear- its a marsupial.

10. An english horn is neither a horn or english- its actually a French alto oboe.

11. A guinea pig is neither a pig or from guinea- its a rodent and its south african.

12. Shortbread isn't bread its- a cookie.

13. Dresden ceramic things aren't from Dresden- they are from Meissen.

14. A funny bone isn't a bone - its the spot where the ulnar nerve touches the humerus.

15. A shooting star isn't a star - its a meteorite

16. Chop suey isn't a chinese dish- it was invented by chinese immigrants in california, that makes it American.

17. A bald eagle isn't bald- its got a white feathered head.

18. A banana tree is not a tree- its a herb.

19. A cucumber isn't really a vegetable- its a fruit.

20. A jackrabbit is not a rabbit- its a hare.

21.Catgut has nothing to do with cats- its usually made from sheep intestines.

22. A mexican jumping bean IS mexican! but its not a bean- its a seed with a larvae inside.

23. Turkish bath isn't turkish at all- its roman.

24. Head cheese is actually a meat product.

25. An inchworm is neither a worm or an inch long.

26. The titmouse is not a mouse- its a bird.

27.Sugarsoap contains neither sugar or soap!

28. An eggroll usually doesn't contain eggs, but vegetables.

29. This list doesn't contain 30 things.

Evolution

2009-10-13T19:27:00.000+03:00

This is another completely insane theory which will make your head hurt. Now, we have all heard about Darwin and the theory of evolution. But there are a few things people don't really think of..until they read this.

The insanity: The part when every family tree of every living thing on earth collides on a single day in the past, making you related to everyone you've ever kissed, Hitler, and every single insect you've ever killed.

What it means: We’re all familiar with the basics of evolution: that a munificent monkey-goddess birthed us all from Her raspberry-scented womb. But there are some lesser-discussed implications of natural selection that are just plain weird. For one, scientists have concluded that around 140,000 years ago in Kenya, there lived a woman called Mitochondrial Eve (cavemen had weird names), so named because today, every living human on Earth has her mitochondrial DNA in their body (cavemen were also prescient). And only 3,000 years ago lived a person known as the Most Recent Common Ancestor, who, through exponential growth of the family tree, is the ancestor of every single person on Earth. And did you know that, based on the same principles (and a lot of rape and surprise sex), Genghis Kahn has over 16 million descendants? Who’s your Daddy now?!

So what?:
Well, for one, you can rest assured than anyone you ever have sex with in your entire life is at least your distant, distant cousin. So that’s nice. And if you’re really a nut for genealogy, why not trace your heritage back to the Last Universal Ancestor, the single-celled organism who, about 4 billion years ago, decided to go ahead and give rise to every living creature that will ever exist on the face of the Earth? Talk about a pimp. In essence, the whole of life on the planet can be considered one long, unbroken chemical reaction that is still resolving itself, like the foam flowing out of a science fair volcano.

I'm not done yet, IT GETS EVEN STRANGER:

The genetic chaos continues. The Endosymbiotic Theory says that the mitochondria in our bodies, without which we couldn’t live, let alone write stupid blog entrys like this, was at one point a separate organism that invaded our cells and set up camp. They formed a symbiotic relationship so beneficial that we’ve never booted them out. Furthermore, large chunks of the human genome are thought to be ancient retroviruses that managed to transcribe themselves into our DNA and have spent the remainder of their days happily clambering up and down our nucleotides like the McDuck children on a mansion banister. Basically your cells are millions of individual organisms, all huddled together in a you-shaped beehive. Now see how long you can go before wanting to shower. :)

And lastly, a thought for the right-wingers out there: At some point half of you was an egg in your Mother’s womb. That egg existed in her body from the day she was born. And a long, long time ago, she too was an egg in her Mother’s womb, who had that egg ready for use from the moment she squirmed out of your Great Grandma’s nethers. The point being, technically speaking, there’s no break in the chain of existence, no time when you are not a life form of at least the most rudimentary sort. Your family, at least on your Mother’s side, could theoretically be considered an immortal, constantly-regenerating organism. Of course that would make men, whose sperm has to be created years after the moment of birth, just disposable donors here to fuel the everlasting fire of womanhood. You go girls!

=)

2009-10-08T21:53:00.000+03:00

I like bleach, its jummy...mommy tells me I drink too much bleach but I like it, I drank bleach and then I burped too much and it burnt my nose so now I can't smell the flowers.

Love, poppy, 5 years old.

Quantum madness part deux

2009-10-07T20:47:00.002+03:00

This time we are talking, or I am talking, about quantum entanglement.

First off, the mad part: If one would wiggle an electron at one edge of the universe, another one would instantly react to this at the other edge of the universe, which means an invisible force would travel through space a million times faster than technically possible without travelling through time.

What this is based upon: That if two electrons, little pieces of materia, are created together (the big bang theory) they stay forever "entangled" thus making them react to eachother regardless of space and time:

So what?: Teleportation, holmes. Only really tiny. In theory, you could separate two electrons by as much space as you wanted (say, the breadth of the universe), and they’d still be linked in such a way that actions taken on one would affect the other instantaneously. Meaning information is being transmitted at speeds faster than light. Meaning, if you want to really go nuts, time travel. And though the party pooping scientists have been busy coming up with limitations on the kind of information that could be transmitted (it seems super-fast computers that allow you to play Call of duty against people in parallel dimensions may be a ways off), no one has yet been able to disprove the theory that there is an invisible force in the universe capable of affecting matter millions of light-years away…instantly.

Quantum madness

2009-10-07T20:47:00.001+03:00

http://chastudio.files.wordpress.com/2009/09/hubble_ultra_deep_field_black_point_edit.jpg

Open that image.

1.If you opened that link, right now, on your computer screen, are approx. 10 000 galaxies
2. Each of those galaxies contain anywhere from 10 million to 1 trillion stars.
3. The average star is about one million times bigger than our earth.
4.And yet with all of that, the universe is 90% empty space.
5.And the kicker is, that photo covers roughly one thirteenth-millionth of the entire visible night sky.

Headache yet?

It gets worse.

So all that crap about the universe is big ( at least 90 billion lightyears) That's just the beginning. The Cosmological Horizon is here to give you more of a headache :)

Since we can only observe stellar bodies that have had some effect on us (usually bombarding us with light), there is an outer limit to what we can see of the universe. Hence, the “observable universe.” What about the rest? The parts of the universe beyond our limits? Well, according to some math, that I have no interest in going into, the size of the “actual” universe is so large that if the universe I just described with the picture (the impossibly, mind-bogglingly large one) were the size of a quarter, the actual universe would be the size of the Earth.

20 ways to annoy people...AGAIN!

2009-10-06T23:42:00.000+03:00

1. Sing the Batman theme incessantly.

2. Rent a movie, then replace the original DVD with a similar DVD consisting only of the copyright warning stuff that is in the beginning of every movie.

3.Borrow a book from your local library, then write how the book ends on the first blank page.

4.Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a "croaking" noise.

5.Honk and wave to strangers.

6.Write "X- Hidden treasure" on every map you can find.

7. Light road flares on birthday cakes.

8.Leave tips in a foreign currency.

9. While riding a bus or some other form of public transportation, finish the 99 bottles of beer song.

10. Sculpt your hedges into anatomically suggestive shapes.

11. When listening to a presentation in class, or at work, ocasionally bob your head like a parakeet, try sounding like one, too.

12.Never add any inflections to the end of your sentences, producing an akward silence with the impression that you will be saying more at any moment.

13. Before exiting an elevator with people in it, push all the buttons.

14.Arrive late for a meeting, announce that you didn't have time for lunch, and you are going to be nibbling during the meeting, then eat raw potatoes.

15. Face the back when standing in an elevator.

16. Go to a metallica concert wearing a Tina Turner shirt

17.Call your mother "sparky" for no apparent reason.

18. Pretend to be deaf.

19.Tell random kids the truth about santa

20. Pretend to be mexican.

Numbers

2009-10-05T23:21:00.000+03:00

Ever wondered what the number after trillion is called? well wonder no more, here they are.

Sets of 3 zeros Past 1,000	Name	Number of Zeros
1	million	6 (1,000,000)
2	billion	9 (1,000,000,000)
3	trillion	12 (1,000,000,000,000)
4	quadrillion	15 (1,000,000,000,000,000)
5	quintillion	18 (1,000,000,000,000,000,000)
6	sextillion	21 (1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000)
7	septillion	24 (1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000)
8	octillion	27 (1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000)
9	nonillion	30 (1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000)
10	decillion	33 (1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000)
11	undecillion	36
12	duodecillion	39
13	tredecillion	42
14	quattuordecillion	45
15	quindecillion	48
16	sexdecillion	51
17	septendecillion	54
18	octodecillion	57
19	novemdecillion	60
20	vigintillion	63
21	unvigintillion	66
22	duovigintillion	69
23	trevigintillion	72
24	quattuorvigintillion	75
25	quinvigintillion	78
26	sexvigintillion	81
27	septenvigintillion	84
28	octovigintillion	87
29	novemvigintillion	90
30	trigintillion	93
31	untrigintillion	96
32	duotrigintillion	99
33	tretrigintillion	102
34	quattuortrigintillion	105
35	quintrigintillion	108
36	sextrigintillion	111
37	septentrigintillion	114
38	octotrigintillion	117
39	novemtrigintillion	120
40	quadragintillion	123
41	unquadragintillion	126
42	duoquadragintillion	129
43	trequadragintillion	132
44	quattuorquadragintillion	135
45	quinquadragintillion	138
46	sexquadragintillion	141
47	septenquadragintillion	144
48	octoquadragintillion	147
49	novemquadragintillion	150
50	quinquagintillion	153
51	unquinquagintillion	156
52	duoquinquagintillion	159
53	trequinquagintillion	162
54	quattuorquinquagintillion	165
55	quinquinquagintillion	168
56	sexquinquagintillion	171
57	septenquinquagintillion	174
58	octoquinquagintillion	177
59	novemquinquagintillion	180
60	sexagintillion	183
61	unsexagintillion	186
62	duosexagintillion	189
63	tresexagintillion	192
64	quattuorsexagintillion	195
65	quinsexagintillion	198
66	sexsexagintillion	201
67	septensexagintillion	204
68	octosexagintillion	207
69	novemsexagintillion	210
70	septuagintillion	213
71	unseptuagintillion	216
72	duoseptuagintillion	219
73	treseptuagintillion	222
74	quattuorseptuagintillion	225
75	quinseptuagintillion	228
76	sexseptuagintillion	231
77	septenseptuagintillion	234
78	octoseptuagintillion	237
79	novemseptuagintillion	240
80	octogintillion	243
81	unoctogintillion	246
82	duooctogintillion	249
83	treoctogintillion	252
84	quattuoroctogintillion	255
85	quinoctogintillion	258
86	sexoctogintillion	261
87	septoctogintillion	264
88	octooctogintillion	267
89	novemoctogintillion	270
90	nonagintillion	273
91	unnonagintillion	276
92	duononagintillion	279
93	trenonagintillion	282
94	quattuornonagintillion	285
95	quinnonagintillion	288
96	sexnonagintillion	291
97	septennonagintillion	294
98	octononagintillion	297
99	novemnonagintillion	300
100	centillion	303

There is also the number googol. It has 100 zeros after it, and it looks like this:
10,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000

Beyond that is the googolplex, which is a one followed by a googol zeroes. A googolplex is actually a useless number to the scientific community because it exceeds the number of particles in in universe.

Security guards.

2009-09-24T01:44:00.000+03:00

I'm getting tired of these people, and I am not talking about those in stores or in bars or whatever, I am talking about these obese rent-a-cops who strut around on music events or such. These people who usually have double digit IQ's and triple digit incomes, are searching through peoples bags for NO reason and never finding anything unusual, besides from the odd film cameras here and there. And besides, what is one going to do with a video camera anyways? make a laser that will burn the band on stage? Get real, would you please! And go bother the seven feet tall angry bearded guy holding up the beer- line.

And besides, why is it that the security guards are the most arrogant and agressive people at these events anyway? I find it highly amusing that they honestly get bothered by people holding their feet up on an empty seat, for example. Like the chair wouldn't be dirty before I placed my feet on it? About 3 billion cubic feet of beer-flatus has most likely been passed through that very chair before I even got near it. In fact, it is probably highly radioactive by now! And where do they find these guards? To me they look like they have recieved no training what so ever. And they haven't recieved any intercourse either, judging from the general mood among these fine gentlemen.

And another thing about these concert events, why am I not allowed to bring my own beer? As soon as I walk through the door I am allowed to buy one. And why can I not bring a beer into the concert hall itself? when I am allowed to bring a coke? And I canbring popcorn, but not a hotdog? What is causing this nonsense? Boredom? Bad train of thoughts?

20. Things to do before you die (that will most likely kill you)

2009-09-22T23:28:00.000+03:00

1. Wrestle a grizzly bear wearing a fake beard and high heels.
2. Try to disarm a bomb after a night of heavy drinking.
3. Drink preposterous amounts of Red Bull and don't sleep for a week.
4. Juggle with sharp blades, and take off the handles beforehands.
5. Carry a gun in public.
6. Threaten the President.
7. Stalk important people.
8. Take your bicycle to work, use the highways anyway.
9. Shave while skateboarding, and use an old fashioned razor.
10. Buy a pogo-stick and some nitroglycerin, then get creative.
11. Pour acid in your eyes, then go for a drive.
12. Eat meat raw, in rural India.
13. Don't visit a doctor, ever.
15. Have a pet shark, in your bathroom.
16.Rewire your house without any proper instructions.
17. Take a bath while drying your hair.
18. Remove random bolts and screws from your car.
19. See how many sleeping pills you can eat.
20. Sleep in your freezer.

50 things you aren't supposed to know.

2009-09-21T20:06:00.000+03:00

1. The ten commandments we are used to are not the original then commandments
2. A pope once wrote an erotic book.
3. The CIA commits over 100,000 confirmed serious crimes each year.
4. The first CIA agent to die in the line of duty was Douglas Mackiernan
5. After 9/11, the Defense Department wanted to poison food supplies sent to Afghanistan.
6. The US government wont tell you how many terrorist convictions it obtains.
7. The US has planned to provoke terrorist attacks.
8. Both the US and the Soviet Union once concidered detonating nuclear weapons on the moon.
9. Two atomic bombs have been dropped in North Carolina.
10.World War III almost broke out in late -95
11. The Korean war never actually ended.
12. Agent orange was actually used in Korea.
13. Kent state might not have been the only school massacre during the Vietnam war era.
14.Winston Churchill believed in a worldwide jewish conspiracy.
15. The auschwitz tattoo was used to be an IBM code number.
16. Adolf Hitlers blood relatives reside in the state of New York, US.
17.Around one quarter of the convicted "witches" were men.
18. The Virginia Colonists practiced cannibalism.
19. Many pioneering feminists opposed abortion.
20. Black people served in the confederate army.
21. Electric cars have been around since the 1880's
22. Juries are allowed to judge the law, not just the facts.
23. The police aren't really legally obligated to protect you.
24. The government can take your house and land, then sell them to private corporations.
25. The Supreme Court Has Ruled That You’re Allowed to Ingest Any Drug, Especially If You’re an Addict
26. The age of consent in most of the US is NOT 18.
27. Most scientist don't read their own articles.
28. Louis Pasteur Suppressed Experiments That Didn’t Support His Theories
29.The Creator of the GAIA Hypothesis Supports Nuclear Power
30.Genetically-Engineered Humans Have Already Been Born
31.The Insurance Industry Wants to Genetically Test All Policy Holders
32.Smoking Causes Problems Other Than Lung Cancer and Heart Disease
33.Herds of Milk-Producing Cows Are Rife With Bovine Leukemia Virus
34.Most Doctors Don’t Know the Radiation Level of CAT Scans
35.Medication Errors Kill Thousands Each Year
36.Prescription Drugs Kill Over 100,000 Annually
37.Work Kills More People Than War
38.The Suicide Rate Is Highest Among the Elderly
39.For Low-Risk People, a Positive Result from an HIV Test Is Wrong Half the Time
40.DNA Matching Is Not Infallible
41.An FBI Expert Testified That Lie Detectors Are Worthless for Security Screening
42.The Bayer Company Made Heroin
43.LSD Has Been Used Successfully in Psychiatric Therapy
44. Carl Sagan Was an Avid Pot-Smoker
45.One of the Heroes of Black Hawk Down Is a Convicted Child Molester
46.The Auto Industry Says That SUV Drivers Are Selfish and Insecure
47. The Word Squaw Is Not a Derisive Term for the Vagina
48. You Can Mail Letters for Little or No Cost
49.Advertisers’ Influence on the News Media Is Widespread
50.The World’s Museums Contain Innumerable Fakes

5. nonsense things we say.

2009-09-18T20:26:00.000+03:00

1 "that one takes the cake"
Okay, what cake? where is this cake? I have never seen it when this is said. And also, where does one take a cake? to the movies? I'd take it to the bakery, to see the other cakes.

2. "Near miss"
Another completely stupid thing to say, just think about it okay? its a near HIT! Not a near miss. When to nuclear submarines collide, then one can call it a near miss, pay attention to the language we've all agreed on.

3. "Down the tubes"
People say that a number of things are going down the tubes, and they never do! And besides, what tubes? have you seen any tubes? And why are there more than one tube? and where do they go?

4."Greatest thing since sliced bread"
Why is a sliced loaf of bread used as a measurement of human success? And what is so great about sliced bread? Its not as hard as you think it is, folks.

5. "In your own words"
what is wrong with the ones everybody else has been using? Next time you are supposed to say something in your own words, say "RAKATA DING QUANDO DOING" then say that its your own made up space language.

Rumors

2009-09-17T22:46:00.001+03:00

People are very interesting, if you ask me. The very idea that you would come up with trivial things about other's personal lives and then spreading them amongst equally bored people, thus bringing themselves some kind of satisfaction sound quite interesting to me.

First of all, who would even care enough to spread rumors? I wouldn't. And perhaps more importantly, why? Insufficient sexlife maybe? or then the person just might be bored with his own personal being, perhaps trying to point out other people flaws to prove himself sufficient through that...I really don't know.

The worst part is really listening to these people who actually care about rumors. I think everyone knows at least one person who constantly talks about other peoples lives. You've probably ran into that guy once, haven't you? Continuous running at the mouth about unrelated things, like verbal diarrhea. This constant mindless yammering about their neighbors mailman's liposuction, and their dogs and their KIDS!

Listen people, nobody cares about your or anyone else's kids, they just don't give a shit. That is why they are YOUR children! So you can care about if they get into a certain school and the rest of us don't have to bother.

What I am trying to say is mind your own business. If you hear something about somebody, then just do what I do, simply just don't care about it. Rumors are only going to get you into trouble, don't pass on or spread any, because they will almost always go back to the person the rumor is about, and then shit hits the fan and you will get hit.

Don't care about anything unless it is remotely relevant to your interests.

20 things you probably didn't know until now. (And you will most likely never need this information, either)

2009-09-16T13:43:00.000+03:00

1.Mozart, in 1782, wrote a musical piece called "lick me in the ass" or "leck mich im Arsch" or more colloquially, kiss my ass, if you will.

2. A 2x4 (4x2 in Britain) is actually 1,5x3,5. The name comes from the timbers rough size before drying and planing.

3. Hippo's, these insanely dangerous fat fucks, don't sweat. Instead they exude a pink liquid that also works as a sun blocker.

4. Kangaroo's can't fart. They convert the small amount of methane produced in their bodies into an energy source that their bodies reuse.

5. During the cold war, the U.S military developed a RIFLE that could fire god damn NUCLEAR WARHEADS! it was called the Davy Crocket

6.Giraffes and Rats last longer without water than Camels do.

7. The declaration of indipendence was written on paper made of hemp (marijuana)

8. All the chemicals in your body combined are worth about 6 euros and 25 cents if sold separately.

9. It is estimated that 0,7% of the world is drunk at any given moment.

10. The "Save" button in Microsoft Office softwares shows a floppy disk with the shutter on backwards.

11. India has a bill of rights for cows.

12.Coconuts kill more people annually than sharks do.

13. The international phone dialling code for Antarctica is 672.

14. Vincent Van Gogh sold only one painting during his entire life.

15.28% of Africa is classified as wilderness, in North America it is 38%

16. 35% of the people who use personal ads are already married.

17. China has more English speaker than the US.

18.Arabic numbers aren't Arabic, they were invented in India.

19. Almonds are members of the peach family.

20.Donkeys kill more people than plane crashes.

A dogs life.

2009-09-11T13:12:00.000+03:00

You called me your child, and despite a number of chewed shoes and a couple of murdered throw pillows, I became your best friend. Whenever I was "bad," you'd shake your finger at me and ask "How could you?" but then you'd relent, and roll me over for a bellyrub.

My housebreaking took a little longer than expected, because you were terribly busy, but we worked on that together. I remember those nights of nuzzling you in bed and listening to your confidences and secret dreams, and I believed that life could not be any more perfect.

We went for long walks and runs in the park, car rides, stops for ice cream (I only got the cone because "ice cream is bad for dogs," you said), and I took long naps in the sun waiting for you to come home at the end of the day.

Gradually, you began spending more time at work and on your career, and more time searching for a human mate. I waited for you patiently, comforted you through heartbreaks and disappointments, never chided you about bad decisions, and romped with glee at your homecomings, and when you fell in love.

She, now your wife, is not a "dog person" still I welcomed her into our home, tried to show her affection, and obeyed her. I was happy because you were happy.

Then the human babies came along and I shared your excitement. I was fascinated by their pinkness, how they smelled, and I wanted to mother them, too. Only she and you worried that I might hurt them, and I spent most of my time banished to another room, or to a dog crate. Oh, how I wanted to love them, but I became a "prisoner of love."

As they began to grow, I became their friend. They clung to my fur and pulled themselves up on wobbly legs, poked fingers in my eyes, investigated my ears, and gave me kisses on my nose. I loved everything about them and their touch

because your touch was now so infrequent -and I would have defended them with my life if need be. I would sneak into their beds and listen to their worries and secret dreams, and together we waited for the sound of your car in the driveway.

There had been a time, when others asked you if you had a dog, that you produced a photo of me from your wallet and told them stories about me. These past few years, you just answered "yes" and changed the subject. I had gone from being "your dog" to "just a dog," and you resented every expenditure on my behalf.

Now, you have a new career opportunity in another city, and you and they will be moving to an apartment that does not allow pets. You've made the right decision for your "family," but there was a time when I was your only family.

I was excited about the car ride until we arrived at the animal shelter. It smelled of dogs and cats, of fear, of hopelessness. You filled out the paperwork and said "I know you will find a good home for her." They shrugged and gave you a pained look. They understand the realities facing a middle-aged dog, even one with "papers." You had to pry your son's fingers loose from my collar as he screamed "No, Daddy! Please don't let them take my dog!" And I worried for him, and what lessons you had just taught him about friendship and loyalty, about love and responsibility, and about respect for all life.

You gave me a goodbye pat on the head, avoided my eyes, and politely refused to take my collar and leash with you. You had a deadline to meet and now I have one, too. After you left, the two nice ladies said you probably knew about your upcoming move months ago and made no attempt to find me another good home. They shook their heads and asked "How could you?"

They are as attentive to us here in the shelter as their busy schedules allow. They feed us, of course, but I lost my appetite days ago. At first, whenever anyone passed my pen, I rushed to the front, hoping it was you that you had changed your mind

that this was all a bad dream...or I hoped it would at least be someone who cared, anyone who might save me. When I realized I could not compete with the frolicking for attention of happy puppies, oblivious to their own fate, I retreated to a far corner and waited. I heard her footsteps as she came for me at the end of the day, and I padded along the aisle after her to a separate room. A blissfully quiet room. She placed me on the table and rubbed my ears, and told me not to worry. My heart pounded in anticipation of what was to come, but there was

also a sense of relief. The prisoner of love had run out of days. As is my nature, I was more concerned about her. The burden which she bears weighs heavily on her, and I know that, the same way I knew your every mood.

She gently placed a tourniquet around my foreleg as a tear ran down her cheek. I licked her hand in the same way I used to comfort you so many years ago. She expertly slid the hypodermic needle into my vein. As I felt the sting and the cool liquid coursing through my body, I lay down sleepily, looked into her kind eyes and murmured "How could you?" Perhaps because she understood my dogspeak, she said "I'm so sorry." She hugged me, and hurriedly explained it was her job to make sure I went to a better place, where I wouldn't be ignored or abused or abandoned, or have to fend for myself

a place of love and light so very different from this earthly place. And with my last bit of energy, I tried to convey to her with a thump of my tail that my "How could you?" was not directed at her. It was you, My Beloved Master, I was thinking of. I will think of you and wait for you forever.

May everyone in your life continue to show you so much loyalty.

15 fun things to do if you are an old fart.

2009-09-07T20:13:00.001+03:00

1. Deliberatly walk slowly and never ever let anyone pass you

2. make believe that you are deaf by staring at people when they are talking to you, and you don't respond, ofcourse.
3. Fake bad eyesight, ask people to tell you what the small text on a condom box says, and also fake bad hearing so that they have to talk loudly.

4. talk with an unnaturally high-pitched voice

5. forget to wear your dentures.

6. if in a wheelchair, bump into cars on purpouse.

7. If you have crutches, place them where people walk, then watch people trip over them and apologize to you.

8. pay for everything with coins, and make the clerk count them.

9. Talk to the clerk while he counts your coins.

10. skip out of every social event you can find, blaming your tiredness, even if its 9 a.m.

11. forget important appointments

12. Forget to return borrowed items, and never cancel any appointments, just for fun.

13. Always show up late.

14. Adress familymembers with wrong names

15. if still permitted a drivers license, don't bother using any lanes or traffic rules, just drive like you feel.

Advertising slogans that are stupid.

2009-09-03T12:49:00.000+03:00

Ever actually thought about what ads are telling you? most of those slogans have no real meaning and are obviously written by japanese hamsters. And here is a list of some slogans that have cought my eye... they are in no specific order.

1. American Express: "membership has its priviledges"

well now ofcourse it has? in fact, that is the main reason why people sign up in the first place, right?

2.Burger King: "Have it your way"

Another false promise, suppose I would like a pizza? or sushi? or a big mac?

3. Esso: "put a tiger in your tank"

I think PETA would have something to say about that, if I should decide to shove a bengal tiger into my fuel tank. And besides, put a tiger in your tank makes me think of a tiger in a T-72..which is another story.

4. Meow Mix cat food: "Tastes so good cats ask for it by name"

First of all, how many talking cats have you seen? and if you have, did you remember your pills this morning? And besides, how do we know what cats actually like? maybe the workers are high on LSD and talking to cats, I don't know.

5. Mountain Dew: "Do the dew"

Ok, now, are you telling me to hump my lawn at 6 a.m?

6. Raid "Kills bugs dead"
sounds like a guy named billy-bob-bubba-jeff-bubba-jeff from alabama came up with this brilliance. "Immanna kill 'em bugs dead wid ma shootn' stiick"

7.Rolaids "R-O-L-A-I-D-S spells relief"
In fact, it doesn't. Have you tried the spelling check function on your computer?

8. Hilton Hotels "Travel should take you places"
well if travel doesn't take me places, then I'm not really travelling am I?

9.Captain Morgan Rum "Drink responsibly...Captains orders!"
Says a company who's logo is a pirate handing me a bottle of rum...?

10. Wendy's "Where is the beef?"
Well, I was hoping you guys making the food would know that..

pet peeves with the catholic church.

2009-09-01T21:35:00.001+03:00

I've been thinking. Catholics believe that when a person dies, he goes up to heaven to help his kids. You have probably heard this more than once, I'm sure. Now, these people honestly somehow believe that they can interfere with gods will on their behalf to gain favors for the living?

I mean, really? like the people who die have nothing better to do than to run the divine branch of the make-a-wish foundation? If people choose to believe this kind of stuff, thats fine. I don't want to disabuse anyone of their believes BUT I have a question about this, and it involves LOGIC!

Lets suppose this is true, lets allow the theory that somehow dead parents can help their living children, fine. So lets say we have a family living on earth, a mother, a father and two kids, a normal family doing good things and making all the right moves. And the parents go away on a weekend trip and get killed in an accident! And the children ofcourse survive.

So now, according to this theory, the parents go to heaven, and start helping their living kids with everything they need. And lets say these two kids grow up and have kids of their own. And lets also assume that these two now fully grown people also get killed at the same time! lets say there was a bomb in the turkey on christmas, just for the sake of argument.

So now according to the theory, these two also go to heaven and start helping THEIR living kids.

Now, as for the questions...

Question one: What happens to the original two? do they just go off duty? is there a retirement program up there? pinball? online poker? or do they keep helping their living descendents forever? is that what heaven is all about?

Question two: Suppose you die without having any children? who do help? strangers? it would be nice.

Question three: Suppose you are an adopted child? who helps YOU? your biological mother? she doesn't even know where you live.

Question four: suppose you kill your parents? would they help you?

20 Fun things to do in a store (to make the clerk furious)

2009-08-31T20:33:00.001+03:00

1. Pay with pennies when buying something major.

2. buy tic tacs with a credit card.

3. deliberatly damage the magnet strip on your credit card, thus forcing the clerk to type the numbers manually.

4. Never weigh any of your vegetables or fruits.

5. or crumple the sticker that comes out of the scale.

6. Never make eyecontact with the clerk.

7. Never break eyecontact with the clerk

8. Don't say anything or communicate in any way with the clerk.

9. Never end your conversation with the clerk, even if there is a queue

10. tell the clerk you forgot something, and leave your stuff at the cash register, come back 40 minutes later or just leave the store without buying anything.

11. Make the clerk believe you are stealing something, and if you get confronted, accuse them of racism, even though you are white.

12. search your wallet for an extensive period of time when you are about to pay.

13. walk into the store at 8.58 p.m, if the store closes at 9.

14. try to pick out the products with the barcode missing or a damaged barcode.

15. ask for trivial information about a product, then refuse to buy it.

16. misplace products on purpouse.

17. tell the clerk you are in a hurry, even though you aren't

18. talk on your cellphone when paying.

19. Buy condoms, then ask if they sell chlorophorm.

20. adress the clerk by the wrong gender, if its a lady, call her mister and vice versa.

2009-08-30T10:55:00.001+03:00

My butt tastes of cubes! I don't know why I posted this? Anyway..I'm going to work

2009-08-30T10:55:00.000+03:00

My butt tastes of cubes! I don't know why I posted this? Anyway..I'm going to work

toodeloo.

2009-08-29T17:20:00.000+03:00

I've been getting alot of comments about my blog, which I am grateful for. And one question keeps coming up "how do you think of this stuff?"

I can only say that I consume unhealthy amounts of caffeine, I do not have an organized train of thought and I am just generally strange.

Well, thats it for now, merry Xmas (yes I am aware of the fact that we are in August.)

Things to do when bored, part deux.

2009-08-28T23:21:00.000+03:00

its time for yet another list of things one can do when feeling bored, and one or more of these things might have featured in the previous list, but I really couldn't care less...sorry about that.

1. send an article to your local newspapers office that says "the untold story behind World War III"
2. See for how long you can stare at a fluorescent light, without blinking.
3.State fallacies as fact (like, "peanuts grow on bushes")
4. go to the local senior citizen's home and baby oil the stairs and floor.
5.Give names to your body parts.
6. Go lifting, and say that you are going to frogs balls, Arkansas, USA. But do this only if you live inside Europe.
7. Make believe that you are blind.
8. Fake sneezing attacks for extended periods of time, 30 mins+
9. See how small you can make your face.
10. try to lick your elbow
11. Try looking at your jaw without a mirror
12. try licking your eyebrows.
13. steal a family member's adressbook and scratch out random names.
14. drum on every available surface. 1
15.when calling someone, and you get directed to the answering machine, repeat the outgoing message as your message.
16.tell people how things were in the "good old days"..even if they are older than you are 17.Sing along at the opera.
18.Honk and wave to strangers, but never to people you know.
20. End a sentence in a way so that it sounds like you are going to continue talking, but you really aren't
21. start conversations about the meaning of life with telephone salespeople
22. super glue products together at your local supermarket.
23. pay for inexpensive items with a credit card.
24.use the same tone of voice throughout a whole conversation.
25.
26. Leave blank posts in lists like these.
27. write lists like these, then go to bed, because this is stupid.

Parental bullshit.

2009-08-24T20:12:00.000+03:00

I'm getting really tired of this parental bullshit that has taken over in todays society. This phenomenon can only really be called child worship, its this excessive devotion to children. I'm talking about todays professional mommy's and single dads, these obsessive diaper sniffers. Who are over-scheduling and over-managing their children and robbing them of what used to be childhood.

Even the simple act of playing today is rigidly planned in the form of play dates, what kind of a moron came up with this idea? When did it become normal that the simple act of playing is put on mommy's schedule? Something that used to be beautiful, creative and spontaneous is now done by appointment.

When does a kid ever get to sit in the sandbox with a toy car anymore? Just sit in the yard with a fuckin' toy car. Do todays kids even know what to do with a toy car? I used to do this, just sit there with a toy car, use my imagination, then have a little fun, you know, drive around making noises or something.

But no, all the toy cars have probably been recalled because of loose parts and led paint. But according to todays society, the kid shouldn't be wasting his time in the sandbox anyway, he should be preparing himself for his kindergarden entrance exam (I am not making that up, that actually exists). Imagine that, kindergarden entrance exams?! these poor little fucks. Kids of that age can barely locate their own genitals, and already he is being pressed to succeed by his parents and other forms of imaginary authority figures they might come across. What kind of empty parents need to validate themselves through the achievements of their children? Isn't this just a sophisticated form of child abuse?

And speaking of child abuse, I read this article about kids who aren't allowed to play tag because it encourages victimization! And not allowed to play dodgeball because it is exclusionary and it provokes aggression. Standing around is probably still allowed, but you just wait. Soon some kid will stand around and his leg will fall asleep and the parents will sue the kindergarden and it will be good bye standing around.

But all is not lost, hey, at least we know that whenever he eventually will be allowed to play a game, he will never lose. Because in this society nobody ever loses, there is only the last winner. No child ever gets to hear those all important words anymore; "You lost bobby! you're a loser bobby!". They will eventually hear the truth about themselves as grownups when their boss storms in to their office shouting "get the fuck out, you're a loser!".

And when this happens, his parents won't have any idea why he got fired, because after all, he was on the honor roll. But what the parents might not understand is that everyone is on the honor roll today. All a kid has to do today to be on the honor roll is to keep a pulse over 20.

Now, all of this stupid bullshit that children have been so softened by, has grown out of something called the self esteem movement. The self-esteem movement started in the early 1970's, and I am happy to say that it was a complete utter failure. Because study's show that having high self esteem doesn't improve grades, social skills or career achievement. And it also doesn't lower the use of drugs or reduce acts of violence, because as it turns out, extremely violent people think very highly of themselves! I love it when these politically correct ideas crash and burn and wind up in the shitter.

The self esteem movement revolved around a single notion, and that is "every child is special". They kept feeding it into peoples minds, as if to convince themselves. And I respond to this by saying ffuuuuuuuuuuck you! Every child is obviously not special! But lets allow the proposition that somehow every child is special. What about every adult? isn't every adult special? and if not, at what age precisely do you go from being special to being just one of the mass? And even if every IS special, then the whole notion loses all its meaning.

As a conclusion, raising a child is not difficult! people try to make it into this mysterious difficult task. Bullshit, there is nothing to it, easiest thing in the world. Here is what you do, you take your kid, place him out on the street corner. Then leave him there. Then you come back a week later, if the kid is still there, you've got yourself a stupid little fuck. Then you just proceed from that point. And by the way, not all kids are cute and/ or clever! ok? got that? kids are like any other group of people, a few winners and a whole lot of losers and most of them simply aren't going anywhere with their lives.

That is all I have to say.

5 sci-fi gadgets you can build at home

2009-08-18T19:52:00.000+03:00

Do you ever find yourself thinking "wow a device like that would be so awesome to have" when watching a science fiction movie? Well, here are some you can actually build yourself

1) TESLA COIL

as much as everyone wants to build their own time machine, but that being a bit inconvenient, lets start off by trying out Nicola Tesla's coil. Now all you really need is some crap found around pretty much in every store. And ofcourse no fear of hilarious amounts of electricity.

etructions on how to build one can be found on sites like www.howto.com or such. Items you'll need include metal plates, copper thread (about 23 billion pounds of it), some bolts n' brackets, and ofcourse a transformer. And you can get one from a car parts store if you like, but the best ones are found in neon signs.

NO! do not run off to the local pub and steal the transformer from the neon sign there, it is a very bad idea! the owner will probably chase you with a very powerful shotgun, and he will most likely kill you.

Oh, and you also need a source of electricity, so if you were hoping to hold this thing in your hand and pretend it's Jedi Force Lightning, you'll need an extension cord. Actually, the above guide mentions that Tesla coils have killed people in the past, so you probably don't really want to hook one up to your hands and pretend to be Emperor Palpatine. Especially if you happen to be taking a bath at the time.

in the vast underbelly of the internet, you can also find recipes on how to make a tesla coil from pretty much free stuff, so if you are homeless and just stole some poor woman's computer and are surfing this right now, yes, your alley can still look like a supervillains lair.

2. A LASER (one that you can set your grandma on fire with).

Now, if the idea of your own tesla coil didn't satisfy you enough, here is something even more potentially lethal! and this one could be built from the stuff you have in your house right now (unless you are imagining that you are using a computer).

Thanks to modern technology, we are surrounded on daily basis by horribly dangerous things. If you are willing to disregard self preservation instinct, common sense and every safety precaution ever written, you can take something as simple as a flashlight (preferably a maglite) and a DVD burner, and make yourself a laser that will set things on fire (they have to be sort of flammable in the first place also).

All you really need to do, is to take the laser diode from the DVD burner and embed it into the flashlight in the bulb's place.

3. A RAILGUN

"OK," you say, "so that was cheaper than the Tesla coil, but it could barely kill a moth! Isn't there some middle ground in both price and lethality?"Well, if you ever played Quake back in the day, or saw that Arnold Schwarzenegger movie Eraser, you're familiar with railguns. They're basically electric guns that fire a pulse down two conductive rails, carrying a projectile with it at ball-crushing speeds. They have plans to put railguns on board anti-missile satellites and the U.S. Navy is building huge railguns to put on their battle ships. Theirs can fire a seven-pound projectile at a mind-boggling 2,500 meters per second. The projectile doesn't even have explosives in it; at that speed you could put a bowling ball in there and it'd destroy a building.

Obviously yours won't do that, but how big and powerful yours is totally depends entirely on how ambitious you are. You can start small with the poor-man's railgun, called a coil gun. As the instructions at that site point out, all you need is some wire, batteries and capacitors (usually stolen from a camera). You'll have a nifty little hand-held gun that can punch nails into cardboard.But you want a real, man-sized railgun, right? Again, instructions are everywhere but now you're getting a little more involved in terms of size (you'll need large copper rails) and getting bigger capacitors to provide more juice. Obviously the danger starts to become ridiculous at this point if you don't know what you're doing.

4. EXO SUITS

Ever since Aliens came out, we've all been deathly afraid of Sigourney Weaver. Likewise, most of us have wanted to use one of those giant mechano-loader things that Weaver uses to beat the shit out of the queen alien at the end of the movie, if for no other reason than it might be fun to strap into a giant metal suit and throw cars at buildings.Now, obviously, (1) yours won't be on that scale and (2) this project requires a little more know-how than the rest. But by now you've gotten bored with your railgun and need to take things to the next level. And it's not as hard as you'd think.

n fact, they hold open competitions where people build powered suits (either pneumatic, electrical or hydraulic) that would let them lift a 650-pound barbell with the power of their robotically-augmented limbs.

The winner spent just over a $1,000 on materials, mostly stuff they found on eBay. Another contestant made a whole exosuit in his garage for about $2,000. And he was a 17 and had only a high school education. If he can do it, you can do it, too! Right?

Well, it may take some time. But at the end of it you'll have a suit that may not be enough to fight off a queen alien, but at least enough to, say, take on Queen Latifah for a round or two

5. A JETPACK

I know what you're thinking. Powered suit? Lasers? Projectile weapons? Hell, strap them all together and we've got ourselves a DiY Iron Man here!

If only it could fly...

Well, lucky for you, visionaries like Gerard Martowlis went all out to invent their own jetpacks. And you can, too, but this time you'll have to shell out a little cash.

As you might expect, one of the big snags in the design of any jetpack is just how to get off he ground without burning your legs off at the knees. This is where the combustion engine has failed so many aspiring rocketmen in the past (such as Wile E. Coyote).

Luckily, there are a few fun chemical alternatives to simply putting a tank of gas on your back and setting a match to it. For instance, 90 percent of hydrogen peroxide, while horribly volatile and capable of exploding the shit out of you in its own right, also makes for a kick ass propellant. Enough to get you off the ground, at least, and send you hurtling towards the 6 o'clock news, as captured on cell phone video, when you slam into a wall.

The total cost of this thing will be around 10 000$ which sounds like alot, but when you think of it, its a frickin' jetpack!

boredom

2009-07-14T10:53:00.000+03:00

If you are anything like me, you find yourself being bored sometimes, with nothing good or useful to do. Here are some things you can do to make time fly.

1. Wax your ceiling

2. Find a sword and knight yourself, then demand that everyone who talks to you calls you "Sir"

3. Play audio books backwards.

4. Boil some ice cream, see what happens.

5. Give a Rorschach test to your pet.

6. Join every possible online community that you can find.

7. Come up with code names for every person you know, then use them in daily life without notifying anybody else

8. Ride your bike inside a store.

9. Call customer service and discuss philosophy.

10. When in a fancy restaurant, ask for a big mac.

11. Call Apple customer service, and ask them if the Big Mac is an Apple product.

12. Hide dairy product in completely inaccessible places.

13. Buy 500 orange traffic cones and reroute your street.

14. Go to the doctors office and claim that you are blind on your left ear.

15. Go into a bar, ask for a molotov cocktail

16. Tell your parents about childhood memories, that you just made up. And then get insulted when they don't remember these memories.

17. Wear a bicycle helmet for one week straight.

18. Invite your local biker gang for a girls night out.

19. If a friend hosts a party, tell them that you're not coming because you are not in the mood, a week in advance.

20. Sit in your yard, point a hair dryer at passing cars, see if they slow down.

21. Tell people that their accent isn't fooling anyone.

22. Pay for everything you buy with your credit card.

23. Go to a pet store, buy a fish, then ask the clerk if it comes with chips.

24. Speak quietly so that people ask you to repeat everything you say.

25. Super glue random objects to random surfaces.

Back again.

2009-07-07T12:09:00.000+03:00

okay I know I've been neglecting this blog for a while, leaving you bored people with...well...more boredom. I just haven't had any sparks of insanity lately.

Well lets get to the point, shall we? I was wondering the other day why christianity neglects homosexuality? IT IS BASED UPON IT! how many fathers did Jesus have? think about it for a second and then get confused.

2009-07-06T01:17:00.001+03:00

Comment on this post, receive bacon.

Cat named ugly

2009-06-29T19:43:00.000+03:00

Well I usually write these little posts complaining about everyday things with my usual sarcastic black humor. Well I just came across this little true story about humanity, and about feelings. I usually don't get emotional over these sort of things but this one kinda got me, and it goes like this.

Ugly ...

Everyone in the apartment complex I lived in knew who Ugly was.

Ugly was the resident tomcat.

Ugly loved three things in this world ... fighting, eating garbage, and

shall we say ... love.

The combination of these things combined with a life spent outside had

their effect on Ugly.

To start with, he had only one eye, and where the other should have been

was a gaping hole.He was also missing his ear on the same side,

His left foot has appeared to have been badly broken at one time, and

had healed at an unnatural angle, making him look like he was always

turning the corner.

His tail has long been lost, leaving only the smallest stub, which he

would constantly jerk and twitch.

Ugly would have been a dark gray tabby striped-type, except for the

sores covering his head, neck, even his shoulders with thick, yellowing

scabs.

Every time someone saw Ugly there was the same reaction.

"That's one UGLY cat!!"All the children were warned not to touch

him.

The adults threw rocks at him, hosed him down, squirted him when he

tried to come in their homes, or shut his paws in the door when he would

not leave.Ugly always had the same reaction.

If you turned the hose on him, he would stand there, getting soaked

until you gave up and quit.

If you threw things at him, he would curl his lanky body around his feet

forgiveness.

Whenever he spied children, he would come running meowing frantically

and bump his head against their hands, begging for their love.

If you ever picked him up he would immediately begin suckling on your

shirt, earrings, whatever he could find.

One day Ugly shared his love with the neighbors huskies.

They did not respond kindly, and Ugly was badly mauled.

From my apartment I could hear his screams, and I tried to rush to his

aid.

By the time I got to where he was laying, it was apparent Ugly's sad

life was almost at an end.

Ugly lay in a wet circle, his back legs and lower back twisted grossly

out of shape, a gaping tear in the white strip of fur that ran down his

front.

As I picked him up and tried to carry him home I could hear him wheezing

and gasping,and could feel him struggling.

I must be hurting him terribly I thought.

Then I felt a familiar tugging, sucking sensation on my ear.

Ugly, in so much pain, suffering and obviously dying was trying to

suckle my ear.

I pulled him closer to me, and he bumped the palm of my hand with his

head,

then he turned his one golden eye towards me, and I could hear the

distinct sound of purring.

Even in the greatest pain, that ugly battled-scarred cat was asking only

for a little affection, perhaps some compassion.

At that moment I thought Ugly was the most beautiful, loving creature I

had ever seen.

Never once did he try to bite or scratch me, or even try to get away

from me, or struggle in any way.

Ugly just looked up at me completely trusting in me to relieve his pain.

Ugly died in my arms before I could get inside, but I sat and held him

for a long time afterwards, thinking about how one scared, deformed

little stray could so alter my opinion about what it means to have true

pureness of spirit, to love so totally and truly.

Ugly taught me more about giving and compassion than a thousand books,

lectures, or talk show specials ever could, and for that I will always

be thankful.

He had been scarred on the outside, but I was scarred on the inside, and

it was time for me to move on and learn to love truly and deeply.

To give my total to those I cared for.

Many people want to be richer, more successful, well liked, beautiful,

but for me ...

I will always try to be Ugly.

The death of Michael Jackson

2009-06-28T17:08:00.001+03:00

Well now he is dead. Or is he?

I personally believe that he isn't, and here is why. Superstar deaths have happened before, Elvis Presley became a legend after his death. And to this day he is the best selling dead artist, making millions post mortem. Same thing with one Kurt Cobain, suicide or not, he did give Nirvana a big kick forward by dying. And when you think of it, dying is really the best thing one can do to promote his career. Michael Jackson is the best selling artist on iTunes at the moment for example.

But lets get back to Jacko, He was in serious debt, and nowhere to go or no way of promoting his career further since his reputation is trashed. Now lets assume that he DID fake his death, this means his income would increase rapidly due to cd sales spiking and other meaningless junk also spiking in sales, this would ensure economical security for him and his children. So...what do you think?

another question

2009-06-27T01:21:00.000+03:00

lets say a person is from India? couldn't you say that he is asian? india is in Asia. your thoughts please.

Dead stars.

2009-06-26T10:11:00.000+03:00

I just heard about the news of Michael Jackson's death, I hope he rests in peace. (also note that I capitalized his name, I don't do that very often). But these recent deaths of old stars got me thinking. What will happen when all of these true musicians and actors are gone? What will this world look like when all we left is the hiltons and people like that? allthough they won't last long with their current standards of living.

But would you imagine how this world will look in 10 to 20 years? when these superstars will be frickin' akon and the hiltons and people like that, holy jumping shitballs I say! interesting times.

2009-06-25T01:46:00.001+03:00

How much fun would a scizophrenic ventriloquist be?

Summer

2009-06-23T15:33:00.000+03:00

Well finally the summer weather is here. Today I had Sushi with my mom and spotted the Finnish ex- president Martti Ahtisaari. Thats all, I'm boring today.

Rest in peace, angry old man.

2009-06-22T11:53:00.001+03:00

Today it has been one year since the death of the best comedian in the history of man, George Carlin. May you rest in peace.

Happiness.

2009-06-21T02:42:00.000+03:00

this pot of gold at the end of the rainbow that everybody is chasing, what if its just a bowl of corn flakes? what do you think?

Abortion is murder.

2009-06-20T22:13:00.000+03:00

What the fuck does that mean? If abortion is murder then chicken eggs are also murder and animal torture? and fish eggs equals genocide? right? Please share your thoughts.

Farts

2009-06-16T21:51:00.001+03:00

we all let farts off at one point or another, but if you notice one of these signs after passing gas, change your diet. and stop eating plutonium.

1. two days after letting one go, you start noticing that there are no more live pets in your neighborhood.

2. your farts rot away the stitching from your pants.

3. the army starts seeing your pants as a national security risk.

4. health department declares your pants and underwear a level 10 bio- hazard.

5. your wallpapers start rolling up and falling off.

6. your farts can kill AIDS.

7 .the chair you're sitting on starts rotting.

8. your fire alarm goes off after you fart

9. your girlfriend wakes up with third degree burns after sleeping next to you.

10. all your plants turn yellow.

11. eco- fanatics call you asking if they could use your farts as an alternative fuel source.

12. Al Gore calls you and tells you to stop destroying the atmosphere.

13. your underpants turn to dust.

14. Your farts start distorting videos and photographs taken next to you because of radioactive fallout

15. City officials bans you from any public restrooms located in New Delhi, India, because of health concerns.

Another Question.

2009-06-16T12:59:00.001+03:00

one day is one rotation of the earth on its axis. God supposedly created the universe in 6 days, but before he created earth, how did he know how long a day was?

Humanity

2009-06-14T00:39:00.000+03:00

I pay alot of attention to how people behave themselves. This is just out of pure interest. And there are a few things I've noticed about us humans, a few things about our behavior that disagree with the theory that our mind is what separates us from the beasts, and they are as follows.

Now, first of all, lets begin with the male version of us humans. The male will protect its own family members, its tribe and offspring from any incoming threat, so far this is just normal instinct. But most of you have probably seen these angry alpha male douchebags in a bar or a club or wherever it is you socialize. You know these guys don't you? They just want to fight any other oncoming male! they wan't to show others that they are baaaaad motherfuckers. Now this again, is just hierarchy isn't it? they want to prove themselves worthy to other males, they want to feel good about themselves. Because after all, humans live in tribes. Or then it could be that the males want to attract females, to secure their own DNA moving on. And we all know how much the ladies are impressed by this sort of behavior, right?(sarcasm ends).

Now, the female human, a pretty complex creature this is. The female is picky about who she picks as the father of her children, and this is completely understandable, since she is only equipped with one egg at a time, while we guys have a lot more (I could make a joke about quality over quantity right here but I'll just let it slide this time). And because we have more of the reproducing juice we guys tend to be...well...guys. Any female that is by accident still reading this crap will know what I'm talking about right here. And the female is for some reason very cautious about herself, my knowledge extends to no such lengths so that I would understand this..maybe some of you could help me out here, but why is it that females always conspire against eachother? I've never understood why. Males will fight and pound at eachother if they have an issue, or if not, then atleast get it out of their system right away by at least talking about the issue at hand. And if a man has a problem with another man he'll make it very clear. And sometimes I've seen women socializing and engaging in small talk like nothing is wrong, but at the same time I know that some of them are actively hating eachother...how come?

Now, to sum things up, I am neutral on this issue. I don't think a man is better than a woman or vice versa. I just find the human behavior to be very interesting. Human beings, interesting creature.

Boredom

2009-06-13T19:39:00.000+03:00

Nothing witty to say today. 2 hours of sleep sucks.

Rage

2009-06-12T17:38:00.000+03:00

Open letter to my internet connection: I hate you, the following things should happen to you.

1. You should be strapped to a gurney and get castrated with dull fishing knives
2. Taken out deep into the woods and be disembowled with a guitar
3. locked into a port-a-potty and set on fire
4. torn to bits by hydrophobic senior citizens
5. get beaten to death with dr. Houses cane
6. be forced play domino with nitroglycerin bottles
7. get a handful of angry pirahnas in your underwear
8. stoned to death with cub scout cookies
9.be forced to defuse a nuclear warhead while wearing boxing gloves.
10.be forced to run the marathon on a treadmill made out of sandpaper.

more mindraping.

2009-06-11T18:55:00.000+03:00

swiss cheese has holes. the more swiss cheese you have, the more holes there are. the more holes there are, the less cheese you have. so therefore the more swiss cheese you have, the less swiss cheese you have

If tall is the opposite of short, then what is the opposite of medium?

where does the reflection of two mirrors opposite each other end?

hmm...

2009-06-10T19:44:00.000+03:00

Seen on a bus: "Check your immediate surroundings for any personal belongings you might have brought on" well, what other kinds of belongings besides personal? public belongings? do you honestly believe I'd bring a tree I just stole from the park? get real, would you please.

people talking.

2009-06-10T09:31:00.001+03:00

I bet every single one of you have heard or used one of these phrases at one point or another, I'm sure. those phrases are "you know people are talking", "they say that...", "thats what people are saying", "you know they say..". And I've never understood who "they" or "people" really are. They people using these phrases usually don't tell you because they don't know the answer themselves, either. So someone, please tell me who "they" are?

Racial nonsense

2009-06-09T17:41:00.000+03:00

I have a problem with white people who try to be a part of the black culture. Starting with these heroes who use guilty white liberal terminology, phrases such as "happens to be black" like its some sort of accident? And as long as we are discussing terminology, there are a few things that white people should never say, ever, under any circumstances, and they are as follows.

White guys should stop calling each-other "bro'" okay? its just weird if white guys say it, it just doesn't feel right. And white women who say "you go girl!" should just probably go! And I also don't think white people should try to dance like blacks. STOP THAT! stick to your boring polkas and line dances.

A few more things on this little list of mine that I'd like to mention, white guys who dress like hip-hopers. I mean, what the fuck is this? isn't it bad enough that we robbed these people of rock n' roll and blues? rock n' roll was created by blacks in the first half of the 20th century. But then the white man came along who took it and made into a stereotypical white mans music. The same is happening with hip-hop these days, I'm getting really sick of some suburban doctors son named Kyle who has such small testicles that he has to wear baggy jeans and listen to 50 cent or whatever these "artists" are called, to make himself feel worthy. It's okay if blacks do it, because its their culture. Wouldn't it be equally strange if blacks all of the sudden started listening to U2, drive eco cars or whatever else it is that makes white people white. So people, be white and be lame, because even though you're trying to prove yourself cool, the rest of the world knows the truth.

A list of words never to be used by whites, ever, under any circumstances.

1. "bro'" its weird, don't use it

2. "Esse" hopefully you're already aware of the fact that you're not mexican

3. "Cojones" Still, you're not mexican, and you don't have cojones, either.

4. "booty" unless you're a pirate and you're looking for your hidden chest of gold, don't use it.

5. "bling" stick to your button tied shirts, thank you very much.

6."Gangsta" Simple actually, you're not one.

7."Fo' Sho" no explanation needed here.

Reality

2009-06-08T22:06:00.001+03:00

Reality is just an illusion created by human beings.

A few thoughts about children

2009-06-08T18:35:00.000+03:00

I have a few things I have to say about children, I do love children, but this child obsession in todays society is completely out of balance!

First of all, don't say "well I love my children!" FUCK YOU! everybody obviously loves their kids. And not all kids are cute or clever or smart. Kids are like every other group of people, a few winners and a whole lot of losers.

Random thoughts

2009-06-07T15:27:00.000+03:00

Why is Charlie a short from the name Charles? they both have 7 letters?

How much deeper would an ocean be if sponges didn't live there?

Why is it called rush hour? nothing actually moves then.

Electricity is just organized lightning isn't it?

You can never underestimate the stupidity of the general public.

Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?

Why do some pop-ups say "FREE GIFT!"? aren't all gifts free? otherwise it wouldn't really work now would it?

Im not concerned about all hell breaking loose, but that a PART of hell will break loose... itll be much harder to detect.

What is the speed of dark?

Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Why is Greenland icy, and Iceland green?

After they make styofoam, what do they ship it in?

How come when we talk to God were praying, but when God talks to us were put in a nuthouse?

weather wierdness part. 2

2009-06-06T14:23:00.001+03:00

I have been complaining about the weather alot lately, I know. But I just have to write this down. It is actually snowing in northern Finland today! on a saturday the 6th of June 2009! What the fuck is going on here?

Summer

2009-06-06T13:32:00.000+03:00

Where the fuck is it? we had exactly two beautiful days! then it all turned into this grey misty shit that nobody wants! This proves that global warming is bullshit.

FUUUUU-UUUUUCK YOU.

2009-06-04T10:16:00.000+03:00

Why the hell has it been raining for about 48 hours straight? This sucks. This is my only week off work this summer and its -6000 degress out and raining.

complaints.

2009-06-03T21:16:00.000+03:00

Now, for those who actually read this, you might have noticed that I often like to complain about things. And ofcourse this wierd society leaves no shortage of things to complain about. So lets get started again now shall we?

Today I'm pissed off at girls who find emo boys attractive, I mean, what the fuck is going on here? Why are some girl attracted to some dork wearing make-up? and actually list skinny arms and tight pants as turn-ons?

Folks, the very purpose of this whole sex and dating thing is sub-conscious, its the desire and will to reproduce, and its only natural for a female to start looking for the strong male to support her and her family. So lets suppose we go back...lets say 10 000 years, and lets suppose that a big ass fuckin' bear is running against you! what does your little emo boy do? throw eye-liner and my chemical romance cd's at it?

Double moral

2009-06-03T15:38:00.000+03:00

I'm getting tired of these supposedly badass people who say "Fuck da police!". Why do they say that? because of their own illegal actions? well they probably are illegal for one reason or another.

But lets suppose that one of these people get mugged? or their house gets set on fire? or someone tries to kill them? who do they call? Ghostbusters? Microsoft customer service? I follow a pretty simple rule, that is "only make statements that are carefully reasoned and statements you can back up" you should follow this ,aswell.

weather wierdness.

2009-06-01T15:25:00.000+03:00

Why is it that people always complain that they want summer when its cold outside, and then when there is a hot summer day, they wish the exact opposite?

And Finns, wierd as usual, have taken things further. Outside, anything over 20 centigrade is hot, but 80 centigrade in a sauna is normal, And anything below 20 centigrade inside is fuckin' freezing, but outside -30 centigrade is okay. Same thing with swimming pools, 7 centigrade seawater is completely okay to swim in, but an unheated pool is way too cold. So I ask you to try to figure this stuff out on your own.

Customers suck

2009-05-29T22:07:00.000+03:00

I work in a store, and I've begun to notice that some customers are more annoying than others, so this is basically a couple of annoying customer stereotypes that you don't want to serve.

The coin counting old fart: I need these people just as much as I need a urine infection! we have all met these old relics, they act all strange and wired like old farts, and when they finally get to the cashier they pull out their little wallets and start counting all the small coins, and these people obviously have an IQ of 3,5 or less because you will actually degrade biologically

before they are done counting.

People who won't stop talking: These are the customers who will continue to talk to you for all of eternity after you've engaged in small talk, which is what you do to not seem rude, since you're the one doing the customer service.

They talk about dumb trivial shit nobody gives a flying fuck about, its about their sons in college, their daughters, their grandkids, their ride around lawnmowers with integrated dildos and wi-fi connections and bluetooth and a cellphone that will make coffee and rub their balls and sing the national anthem...Do these people actually believe I care about their lives like this? or are they generally bored?